


Family Ties

by OreoLuvr13



Series: Family Ties Verse [1]
Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Angst, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Dissociation, Drug Use, F/M, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Sexual Coercion, Sexual Content, Sibling love even though they don’t know they’re siblings, Sickfic, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, post season one finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2019-08-04 00:38:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16336424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OreoLuvr13/pseuds/OreoLuvr13
Summary: Circumstances arise that force the familial relationships in the Cody family to change, whether they like it or not. Takes place after the season one finale..





	1. Chapter 1

J tiredly walks into the kitchen where the smells of French Toast and coffee awaits him, along with Deran and Craig's usual bickering. This morning it sounds like it's over who has caught the bigger wave.

"Morning, baby." Smurfs greets him with a kiss on the cheek and a plate of food.

"Mornin'" J replies taking the offered plate and takes a seat at the kitchen table. He pops a piece of bacon in his mouth as he opens his notebook. He may have become enthralled in his family's business over the last couple of months, but he's still a high school junior and needs to keep up his appearance as a dutiful Honor Roll student.

"Whatcha studying for?" Smurf asks as she's taking out a carton of eggs from the fridge.

"Chem," J replies, not looking up from his hastily written notes.

"I don't know why you're even bothering with school," Craig says. "I mean now that you're in with us, who cares about school?"

"Don't listen to your uncle, J." Smurf says as she she's cracking eggs. "I think it's great that you're still in school. I can't wait to see one of my boys march across the stage in a cap and gown to get their diploma."

"Hey, I graduated!" Craig retorts.

"Yeah after five years at the night program. And that's only because Smurf was fucking your principal." Deran says, laughing.

"Well, at least I didn't drop out." Craig bites back throwing an apple at his brother.

"At least I didn't get expelled," Deran replies hurling the apple back at his older brother. The throw was wide and instead the apple crashed into the wall making a resounding thud.

"Boys! No rough housing in the house! How many times have I told you if you're going to do that crap do it outside," Smurf yells.

To their credit both Craig and Deran look a little sorry for making so much noise.

"Who got expelled?" J asks quietly, looking up from his notebook.

"Pope," Craig answers standing up to get himself another cup of coffee. "Something about a Bunsen burner."

"Yeah, if not for your mother's quick thinking he would have been looking at a manslaughter charge. He's lucky he only got expelled." Deran explains.

Jesus. Expulsions? Manslaughter? Everyday he's learning something new and equally terrifying about his family.

"It was just a little burn. I got a worse burn that time I fell asleep down at the beach in Cancun. That Mitchell kid was always crying that your brother was bullying him." Smurf dismisses with a wave of her spatula.

"Wasn't some of the burns third degree?" Deran asks.

"What are you guys bitching about?" Baz asks coming into the kitchen.

"Smurf was getting all sentimental about the prospect of seeing J in a cap and gown at his graduation." Craig says with a roll of his eyes.

"You still in school?" Baz asks pouring himself a cup of coffee.

J nods his head. He's not surprised that the older man has no clue what's going on with him for he hasn't been around Baz a lot since the last job. Not since he asked his 'uncle' if he was actually his father. Baz' negative reaction made it clear that he wasn't very interested in being a father figure to him and J took the hint. He basically stayed away from Baz as much as possible ever since.

Baz' mind has been elsewhere as of late. He's been pretty much in a tailspin since Catherine disappeared. Lots of drinking. Lots of nights when he's not coming home leaving Smurf and J to be the ones to put Lena to bed. Catherine's disappearance is a taboo subject and she's only mentioned when Lena asks where her mother is. But, her disappearance is still felt in the house. It's like a storm cloud has settled over the Cody house.

"Is he still in school?" Smurf mocks. "I got his report card last week. All A's and B's. Even got an A in calculus." Smurf says with pride evident in his voice.

J feels his cheeks reddened in embarrassment and looks back at his notes.

"Julia must have screwed a math professor or something because she was definitely no math genius," Deran quips.

Baz shoots Deran a look before turning back to J. "That's good man. Keep doing well in school."

"Yeah, we need you to keep a clean record for a little while," Craig adds with a smirk.

"Daddy!" Lena calls out.

"Thanks you guys! She was up all night and finally fell asleep an hour ago. And now you woke her up," Baz sighs angrily.

"Dude, chill. We were just talking." Craig tries to placate his brother.

"She still has that ear infection?" Smurf asks.

Baz rubs his face tiredly. "Yeah, she can't seem to shake it."

Lena has been sick a lot lately. Before this ear infection it was another infection. Before that it was a case of strep. Maybe the stress of her mother's disappearance has weakened her immune system opening her up to every germ she comes across. Or maybe the psychological effects of her mother's disappearance has manifested into something physical. J remembers learning about that in his psychology class. He's going to keep that to himself though. Baz made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want J sticking his nose in his family's business.

"Maybe she needs another antibiotic?" Smurf says.

"Take her to Carlos," Craig says. " He healed me right up when I was shot."

"You're not taking my grandbaby down to Mexico to treat an ear infection," Smurf says.

"But, it was fine for me to go down there with a gunshot wound," Craig says.

Smurf gives her son a 'don't screw with me look.'

"Daddy!" Lena calls again.

"I'll call her pediatrician for a follow up," Baz says as he makes his way to Lena's room.

J checks his watch and sees that it's about time for him to get going for school. He starts packing up his stuff.

"Hey, you want a ride? I'm giving Nicky one." Craig offers.

J shakes his head. He hasn't quite put his head around that one. Nicky hooking up with his uncle. what the hell? It's definitely too early to see them flirting with each other.

"Nah, I'm good." J says.

"Suit yourself. We're going to do some blow before I drop her off."

Deran looks at his brother. "Before school?"

"Why not?"

"Here, honey." Smurf says handing J his lunch. "Have a good day. I'm making steak for dinner."

"Okay, See you later." J says as he quickly makes his way to the door. He has had enough of his crazy family for the time being.

I know this chapter is a little slow, but it was basically setting things up for what's to com


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J and Lena do a little bonding.

J is fully engrossed with his calculus homework when he senses someone is staring at him. He cautiously lifts his head not really knowing who he is going to see. Smurf has a tendency to always show up in his room even at the inopportune times. Pope has the unnerving ability to just show up out of nowhere, usually scaring the crap out of the unsuspecting party.

But it's not his grandmother or uncle that's standing in his doorway. It's someone a lot smaller and a lot less intimidating. Lena is standing at the entranceway almost shyly, as if she's waiting for his permission to come further into his room.

"Hey, " J says as he puts down his pencil. "What's up?"

Lena shrugs her shoulders coming further into the bedroom. "Nothin."

"Nothin', huh? I thought you were outside with Craig and Deran." J says. He looks out his window towards the pool where Craig, Nicky, and Deran are still in the pool.

"I was. But they are really loud," Lena replies rubbing her forehead.

"They are," J agrees. Even though the ear infection has cleared up, Lena has been complaining of a headache off and on over the last couple of days. Deran and Craig's antics would no doubt make it worst.

"Where's your dad?" J asks a little nervously. Baz has not been too receptive to Lena hanging around him. Just a couple of days ago he overheard a heated exchange between his uncle and Smurf where the man voiced his disdain for J spending time with Lena. "I don't like him putting her to bed or taking her to the beach. Haven't seen the kid in ten years and now he just shows up and wants to be a part of my kid's life."

Much to J's surprise, Smurf stuck up for him telling her adoptive son that if he "doesn't like J tucking Lena in then maybe he should be around more to do it himself."

Lena shrugs her shoulders again. "Don't know." She pulls herself up onto J's bed. She sits there quietly taking in the sparsely decorated room. He can see her eyes linger on the picture of him and his mom. At a loss of what to do next. He doesn't want to see the kid cry so he asks "You hungry?" Food is a safe topic he figures.

Lena breaks her gaze from the picture and looks at him. "Uh huh."

"What do you want?"

Her eyes light up. "Your mac and cheese!"

He can't help but smile at the kid's enthusiasm. "You really like my mac and cheese, huh?"

Lena enthusiastically nods her head. "It's the best! Even better than mommy's!"

The carefree look that was on the girl's face is instantly replaced with one of shock. J can see the girl's eyes are already starting to tear up. He can't do tears. Especially a little kid's who just lost her mother.

"Come on, Lena." J says standing up from his desk chair. "I can really go for some mac and cheese."

Lena quickly wipes her eyes and hops off J's bed. Walking towards the kitchen J can feel something hitting his hand. He looks down to see Lena's tiny hand reaching towards his. At first he keeps his hand at his side. What if Baz or his other uncles see? He really doesn't want to deal with Baz' shit for getting close to Lena.

But then he thinks of how Lena looked at the picture of him and his mom. He knows what it's like to lose a mother. He's still feeling that raw pain. He's nearly grown and it hurts. He can only imagine what Lena is feeling. And if spending time with him helps her a little bit, then screw Baz.

"I'm starving," J says grabbing Lena's small hand as they head to the kitchen.

XXXXX

Smurf comes home to see her two grandchildren parked in front of the television watching some animated movie, empty icecream bowls discarded on the coffee table. It's well past Lena's bed time but at least she's in her pajamas. "Hey, guys. What are you doing?"

"Watching Finding Nemo," Lena replies, yawning loudly.

Smurf looks around and sees that her two youngest sons are nowhere to be found. "I hope your uncles at least got you something for dinner."

"J made me mac and cheese," Lena says with a toothy grin.

"He did!" Smurf says turning to her grandson. "Maybe one day he can make me some."

Lena nods her head. "I hope so cuz' it's really good."

"I bet it is, baby." Smurf says leaning in and kissing her granddaughter on the forehead. "I think it's past someone's bed time."

Lena lets out another yawn that seems to prove her grandmother's point.

"She wanted to wait up for Baz," J explains.

Smurf nods her head and turns to Lena. "Well, Miss Lena your Dad just called me. He wanted me to tell you he wishes he could tuck you in but he had to go to work."

"Okay," Lena says quietly. She then turns to J. "Can you tuck me in? After mommy and daddy and Grandma, you're the best."

J looks at his grandmother for guidance. He really is trying not to step on Baz's toes when it comes to Lena.

"Pleeeeease," Lena says. "You read Edward the best. You do all the voices!"

J looks at his grandmother again.

"Come on, J!" Lena begs.

"Lena, go brush your teeth. Then J will read one chapter of your book, ok?" Smurf says.

Lena nods. "Okay, Grandma." She gives her grandmother a big hug and kiss before rushing off to the bathroom.

Smurf turns towards J. "You better get in there. Your biggest fan will be waiting for you."

J gives her a small smile and leaves the living room. With J putting Lena to bed, Smurf picks up the living room. Folding up the discarded blankets and bringing the dirty icecream bowls to the kitchen. Before long she move towards Lena's door

"What about Pellegrina?" said Abilene.

"I will not go," said Pellegrina. "I will stay."

Edward, of course, was not listening. He found the talk around the dinner table excruciatingly dull: in fact-

"Sorry, I'm late." Baz says as he comes to stand by Smurf. "Are you joking?!" Baz curses taking in the sight of his daughter curled into J's side as he continues to read.

"Stop!" Smurf says softly. "He's good with her. They both lost their mothers. He gets what she's going through."

Baz remains quiet for a minute. The only sound you hear is J reading, changing voices as he alternates between characters.

"I don't trust him yet." Baz says. "That situation with the cops and the teacher could have easily gone bad."

"But, it didn't." Smurf says. "When it come down to it, he chose his family. He chose us."

"He's Julia's kid," Baz states.

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing," Smurf says smiling coyly as she walks away.

Baz remains outside Lena's room listening to J's surprisingly soothing voice.

"Will Edward be sailing on the Queen Mary with us?"

"Well, of course, if you wish, although you are getting a little old for such things as china rabbits."

"Nonsense," said Abilene's father jovially. "Who would protect Abilene if Edward was not there."

I know this is another fuller chapter, but I'm trying to set up the dynamics of the household. I think things will start to get more exciting come next chapter. The book that J is reading to Lena is The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate Dicamillo. It's one of my absolute favorites. If you haven't read it, I urge you


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J and Lena head to the beach.

J parks his bike next to Smurf's car in the garage. He just finished up collecting rent from one of his grandmother's buildings. The teenager is in no real hurry as he walks into the house. He has nowhere to go. No people to see. He has pretty much kept to himself since he was a kid, but he's finding himself doing so more since he moved in with his grandmother. He chose to be part of this lifestyle and that's on him. With that being said, he's not bringing anyone else into the mix. Just look at what happened with Nicky.

"But, I want to go!" Lena argues as J steps into the kitchen.

"I'll take you when I get back from my business trip," Baz says trying to placate his daughter.

J is half heartedly paying attention to the conversation that's going on as he takes out some turkey and cheese from the fridge to make himself a sandwich.

"But, I don't want you to leave," Lena says.

J feels for Lena. Her mother was there when the kid went to bed and was gone when she woke up. No wonder why the kid is anxious about her father leaving to meet a business associate in Mexico. Deran and Craig are also going, but Pope is sticking around because who knows when his PO will be around for a random drug test. And J is staying behind because of school.

"Lena, I'm only going to be gone for a few days," Baz tries to reason with his young daughter.

"Pleeeeease, I really want to go to the beach," Lena whines.

"Honey, I really wish I can take you but I can't. Either you can wait until I get home or maybe Grandma can take you. I'm sure she'll do it," Baz says with a smile.

But, the way Lena is shaking her head tells J and Baz that's not going to cut it. Lena turns towards J. "Can you take me?"

J puts down his newly made sandwich. Baz is giving him a glare. "Why don't you ask Grandma to take you?"

"Pleeeease," Lena cries giving her father sad, puppy eyes..

J is already thinking of another excuse when Baz says, "As long as J doesn't mind, he can take you." Baz turns to the shocked teenager. "Do you?"

J shakes his head. "I'll take her."

Baz nods his head. "Good." He then turns to his daughter, "Why don't; you grab your stuff and get changed, so you and J can get going."

The girl enthusiastically nods her head and sprints out of the room. With his daughter out of earshot, Baz turns back to his nephew, his tone cooling significantly. "You better not let anything happen to her. Keep a close eye on her, she's not that strong in the water."

"I will," J shakily nods his head.

"Good, now that we're clear." Baz says

"I'm just going to go change," J says quickly before leaving the room.

Alone in the kitchen., Baz lets out a loud sigh, rubbing his face tiredly. He nearly jumps when he hears someone clearing their throat. He turns to see Smurf standing in the doorway. "What?"

"I think it's great you're letting J take Lena to the beach."

"What am I supposed to do? Lena has been so quiet since Catherine...Has only asked about Catherine. This is the first time that she has asked for something and I have to go down to Mexico. Her talking about going to the beach made her actually smile. How can I say no to that?"

Smurf smiles brightly as she puts an arm around her son. "You don't."

XXXXX

Lena and J are busy making a kick ass sand castle. It's a well into the afternoon so the sun is beating down hard on them. J feels like he's boiling. But, surprisingly Lena has not complained once about being hot. Don't little kids complain all the time?

Even though Baz warned him that Lena was not a strong swimmer the teenager thought for sure that the kid would sprint to the water once they got to the beach. Especially with the way Lena was badgering her father about going to the beach. But, Lena surprised J by choosing a place in the sand and dropping her toys. The two have remained in said spot for over an hour now.

"You don't want to go in?" J asks motioning to the ocean.

Lena keeps her eyes on the sand. "I'm not a very good swimmer. Mommy was supposed to sign me up for swimming lessons." The 'but she never got the chance' goes unsaid.

"It's hot," J states the obvious fact. "Let's go in the water."

Lena ignores her cousin and continues working on another tower for the sandcastle. Not deterred, J nudges the little girl's arm. "Come on."

Lena looks at the water and then back at J, still unsure. J stands up. "Come on, it'll be fine." Lena still look torn, biting her lip in earnest.

"I won't let anything happen to you," J promises.

Those last words do the trick because Lena stands up and follows J into the water. She cautiously tips her toes in as J goes deeper into the water, motioning for the girl who to follow him. Lena lets out a yelp and her eyes go huge.

"Give me your hands," J says. Lena bites her lip, head tilted to the side. "Come on," J says reaching for his cousin. "I promise, I'm not going to drop you."

Finally, Lena lifts her hands and J takes hold, easily lifting the girl up. "Now kick," J says as he holds Lena as she starts to kick her legs getting the feel of the water underneath her. At first, the kicks are hesitant and uneven but they gradually become stronger and more uniform as the pair moves across the water. Lena clearly becomes more comfortable in the water as the look of unease on her face is replaced with a huge smile. J asks her several times if she wants to stop and take a break, but she quickly shoots that idea down with a giggle and a "More, J."

While laughing and splashing in the water, J doesn't think about his family's criminal enterprise. And Lena doesn't think about her mother not being there. It's nice to be just kids for awhile. But, all too soon Lena does get tired, so the pair return to land.

J is drying off and Lena is back at her sandcastle when Lena says, "I thought Nicky was your girlfriend."

J's not entirely sure where this is going. "She was. Not anymore."

"Why is she always in Uncle Craig's room then?" Lena innocently asks.

Thanks for an awkward conversation Nicky and Craig.

"That's adult stuff that you shouldn't be thinking about," J says.

"Not ever?" Lena asks looking up at J.

"Not until you're like my age." J says with a smile.

"So not until you're way old?" Lena asks.

Way old? Lena was right about that one. He may only be 17 but, J feels like he's a hell of a lot older. He always had since he was around Lena's age. "Yeah, my age."

"I don't like Nicky. She always has a strange look on her face when she comes out of Uncle Craig's room," Lena says with a look of utter confusion on her face.

Jesus. This kid sees everything. Feeling a little protective, J says, "Do me a favor and stay away from Uncle Craig's room."

To her credit Lena doesn't ask why. Maybe the kid really is on the ball when it comes to the inner workings of the family. Maybe she knows when to say something and when not to or to who.

"Little sister?" A tall brunette says coming in from the water with her surfboard.

"No, he's my cousin." Lena replies with a smile.

He doesn't know why but he feels a pain in his chest when he hears Lena say their cousins. It's not her fault that she only knows him as her cousin who recently showed up in her life. She may actually be his little sister, but she doesn't know that. And Baz certainly isn't comfortable with the idea that the cousins could potentially be siblings. No, to Lena he's the cousin who reads her The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane and takes her to the beach. Nothing else.

"She's cute," The brunette says walking away.

"You can use me to get girls," Lena says turning to J.

"What?" J squeaks out.

"Uncle Craig takes me to the park to help him get girls. Sometimes we get icecream and he sees Crystal. She gives me extra sprinkles on my icecream."

Craig uses Lena as a mini-wingman. But, yet he has a near conniption with the idea of J tucking Lena in. Man, his family is fucked up.

Lena lets out a loud yawn. "You ready to get going?" J asks.

Lena nods her head and starts picking up her stuff. Soon they are ready to get going. Lena is moving slow, almost dragging her feet to the car.. "I'm tired," Lena says letting out a loud yawn.

J lowers himself to the ground and taps his back. "Here, get on."

It takes a few seconds as Lena scrambles onto his back and grips his neck tightly as they lug their stuff to the car. As he gives her a piggyback, Lena hugs his neck tightly. "Thanks, J. I'm happy that you're my cousin," Lena says tiredly into his neck.

Me too. J thinks to himself as the pair makes their way to the car.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has a bit of a health scare. But, luckily J is there.

It's late and the Cody house is eerily quiet. Craig is back at his place, probably with Nicki. Deran is out doing whatever he does. Pope is lord knows where. Baz is still reveling in the Mexican sun so he's not at the family compound as well. Smurf isn't home either. While Baz may have an issue with his daughter spending time with J, Smurf doesn't seem to. For as soon as Lena was bathed and in bed. Smurf left J to keep an eye on his cousin while she went out for the night.

J has become accustomed to the noise and chaotic atmosphere of his new home. He's not used to this strange silence. Maybe that's why the words in his English lit textbook aren't making much sense to him at the moment. The paper isn't due until next week, but Craig and Deran mentioned something about heading north over the weekend. No doubt doing some recon work for an upcoming job. When his uncles and grandmother first mentioned the trip he thought that they were just keeping him in the loop about the family business. That he was just going to stay behind. Stay out of the way. But then Craig turned to him and said "You think you can actually do something other than school work and actually make yourself useful and come with us?" So, the decision was made. Like it or not he was going on a job with Deran Craig. But, first he needs to at least get the paper started so it's one less thing to worry about.

He's still trying to makes sense of the stupid poem when he hears a noise from the doorway. He knows exactly what, or who it is. Lena has already been up twice since she was put to bed. Once because she couldn't sleep and the other time she was complaining that she didn't feel good. Maybe this time it's another nightmare. The kid has had her fair share of those as of late.

But., whatever the reason is the kid needs to be in bed. She needs her sleep. And frankly the last thing J needs is Baz being on his ass about letting his daughter staying up all hours of the night.

"Lena, it's late. Go back to bed." J says not even looking up from his textbook.

Instead of hearing retreating footsteps, J hears a muffled whine.

"Lena, you have-"J says looking up at his 'cousin.' His comment about going back to bed is quickly forgotten when he actually sees Lena standing in front of him. Her eyes are huge, almost owlishly big. And pale couldn't even come close to describing her complexion. She has a firm hand covering most of her face. And she's making these sad sounds that J is pretty sure only wounded animals make.

"What's wrong?"

Before Lena could reply, a large drip of bright red blood dribbles out from under her hand. In her panic, Lena drops her hand from her face, allowing the blood to now freely gush out of her nose.

"Jesus!" J says as he sprints from his desk chair to where Lena is standing.

Lena lets out another snob as J swiftly moves into action. The moment of surprise is soon forgotten as J goes into crisis mode. He does not have a lot of experience dealing with bloody noises, but he has seen his fair share of crisis situations. He lost track of how many time he took care of his mother after she overdosed. Most recently, he saw Alexa through one. He knows too well what to do in a crisis. So really it comes as no surprise that he knows exactly what to do when Lena walks into his room in the middle of the night with one gusher of a nose bleed.

"Shhh, it's okay. Don't cry." J tries to soothe as they quickly walk towards the bathroom. The last thing Lena needs to do is cry. Crying and bloody noses are a recipe for a disaster.

"Sit there," J motions to the toilet, quickly putting the lid down. He grabs a wash cloth and places it gently, but firmly to the girl's nose. "Here you go, lean forward. You don't want to let that stuff go down your throat."

Lena looks up at him with her wide brown eyes, but she follows J's instruction and leans her head forward so the blood doesn't drain down the back of her throat. She places her teeny hand over his larger one holding the wash cloth securely in place.

"That's it," J says soothingly. "You ever get a bloody nose before?"

Lena cautiously shakes her head. At least she seems calmer now. The crying has stopped and she's not making those scared noises anymore. Thinking that it's safe to do so J attempts to move his hand away letting Lena take over holding the wash cloth on her own. But, his attempt is aborted when her eyes go large and she lets out a muffled 'no.'

"It's okay," he says as he gets a firmer grip on the wash cloth. "Bloody noses can be scary. I got one when I was si-seven." J falters on his age.

Lena raises her eyebrows silently telling him to tell her more.

"A kid punched me in the face." J continues. He leaves out the part that he was actually six when he broke his name for the first time. He also doesn't tell her that he was actually the one who threw the first punch after the kid called his mother a crack whore. Lena thinks the world of her own mother. She doesn't know that not all mothers are the epitome of the perfect one. That sometimes the druggy, slutty one is not someone else's but is yours. He learned that lesson pretty early. Lena doesn't need to know that. At least not yet.

"Did your mom help you like you're helping me?" Lena asks around the wash cloth.

No wonder why the kid looked so scared when she barged into his room. Every little kid looks to their mother when they're sick or hurt. Lena is still reeling from not having her's around. Waking up to a bloody nose in a still unfamiliar room with your mother nowhere in sight is enough to put any kid into a panic.

"I got through it," J replies. Lena's innocent eyes prevent him from telling her the truth. That after Jimmy Malone busted his nose he did go rushing home. How he busted though the apartment door calling for his mother to only be met with silence. That his mother was passed out on the couch and couldn't hear her son calling for her. How he learned the hard way not to lean your head back with a bloody nose. Two rounds of puking blood taught him that. No, she doesn't need to hear all that.

The two of them remain in the bathroom for several more minutes when J thinks it might be safe to take a look at Lena's nose to see if the bleeding has stopped. He goes to move his hand and instead of lightening up on her hold, she tightens it. "Let me see, Lena." J says. "I just want to see if it stopped bleeding."

She gradually loosens her hold and J moves the wash cloth away to see that her nose has luckily stopped. "All good," He says with a reassuring smile. "Let's wash up your face." He gets a clean wash cloth from the linen closet and wets it with lukewarm water. J is gently cleaning her face when he hears someone entering the house.

"J? You still awake? I see the lights on," Smurf calls out quietly as she makes her way down the hallway.

"We're in the bathroom," J replies.

"We're?" Smurf asks as she stops outside the bathroom door. Her eyes go back and between her grandchildren. No doubt wondering why they're up this late on a school night.

"Lena got a bloody nose," J explains.

Smurf's eyes go to the bloody wash cloth that is sitting on the bathroom counter.

"Ohhhh, baby girl." Smurf coos as she walks into the bathroom and kneels in front of her granddaughter. "You okay?"

Lena tiredly nods her head. "Yeah, I got J and he helped me."

"Of course he did," Smurf says looking up at her grandson, giving him one of her caring, but also at the same time unnerving smiles. Feeling a little out of place now, J offers his grandmother the wash cloth that he's been using to wash Lena's face. She takes it and turns back to Lena. "Let's finish getting you washed up and get you back to bed."

Not knowing what else to do, he wishes them both a good night and heads back to his bedroom. He still has that English essay to work on after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unwelcomed face from J's past makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing about Animal Kingdom that makes me wonder is, what was J's life like before his mother died. I decided to try and fill in the blanks a bit with this little story.

J quietly shuts the door to the house. There's no need to announce his arrival.

"Hi, J!" Lena calls from the couch as J walks through the living room on his way to the kitchen.

"Hey, Lena." J answers. "What are you doing home already?"

But, before Lena can answer. J knows exactly why the girl is home. Her face is pale, except for a flush on her cheeks that indicates that once again the kid has a fever. He can also see the fine sheet of sweat that's on the kid's forehead. She's sick….again.

She's always sick nowadays. Strep throat, ear infections, colds. The kid is constantly coming down with something, And now there are bloody noses to add to the mix. The late-night nose bleed a couple weeks back was not the only one. Since then Lena had had two more. Something's not right. There's definitely something going on with the kid.

"I don't feel good," Lena confirms.

J nods his head. That much is obvious. "Well, I hope you feel better."

Lena gives him a small smile before her attention is back to the television as J walks into the kitchen. Smurf is at the stove adding various ingredients into a large pot.

"What are you going to do about Lena?"

With her back to her grandson, Smurf says. "Good afternoon, J. How was school? Did you get back your math test?"

J rolls his eyes. Smurf trying to act like a caring grandmother is so unnerving because caring is one word that J would surely not use to describe his grandmother. Manipulative, Yes. Deceiving, Yes. Caring, no. But, he's been living in the house long enough to know he has to play her game.

"School was fine. Got a 97 on my math test."

Smurf smiles as she turns around. In her head, she probably saw it as a victory that she got him to divulge that little tidbit. "Of course, you did."

"So, about Lena?" J asks.

"I'm making her chicken soup," Smurf says as if the soup is the magical cure all of whatever is wrong with Lena.

"That might be fine for today," J starts. "But, she has been sick a lot lately."

"She's a kid!" Smurf says. "Kids get sick all the time. Schools are infested with germs. Your uncles and mother were always coming down with something when they were younger."

"Yeah, but." J attempts.

"Not to mention, her immune system is probably in the shitter because of the stress with her mother being gone," Smurf continues.

"The bloody noses? She's got three in the last two weeks." J retorts. "That's not normal."

"What's not normal?" Baz asks from the doorway.

J sighs. Just great. The last thing he wants is to get into a pissing contest with Baz.

"We were just talking about Lena being sick," J says quietly.

Ignoring Smurf's look, Baz glares at J. "You mean my daughter?"

J bites his lip. So now Baz wants to play dad. Baz has been the least constant, stable figure in his daughter's life as of late. Smurf and J are the ones who are around her the most. Craig and Deran have even been around Lena more than her own father the last couple of months. But, now is not the time to bring up Baz' shitty parenting.

Taking in the tension of the room, Smurf tries to diffuse the situation and steps in between the two. "J has just been concerned with how much Lena has been sick lately."

"Well, if J is so concerned then he should talk to me about it then." Baz bites out. "Right. J?"

"Got it," J answers, nodding his head. "I'm gonna go," J says rushing out of the kitchen.

XXXXX

"Why do you have to be such an ass?!" Smurf admonishes Baz. "Why do we keep having this conversation?"

"Because J keeps butting into business that doesn't concern him."

"Well, whether you like it or not he's here. He's family. He's Julia's kid for Christ Sakes!" She puts her hands on his shoulders.

Smurf's tone gets softer, kinder."He's not going to replace you. Not with me. And not with Lena."

"I know that," Baz replies.

"Then what's the problem?" Smurf asks.

"I just don't want him always around Lena."

"I just don't get why. The two of them seem to care a lot about each other. They seem to connect in some special way. Both losing their mothers."

"Please don't argue with me about this. I can't explain it. I just don't want him always around her."

Smurf nods her head. Realizing that this is an argument that she's not going to win. At least not for the time being. "I won't say anything else about the subject. But, I do agree with him about something."

"About what?" Baz grits out.

"Lena being sick. Maybe we should take her to the doctor and get her checked out. Just to be safe."

Baz rolls his eyes.

"Forget about J for a second. This is coming from one parent to another."

"Fine, call her pediatrician and set up an appointment."

Smut smiles. He always did have a hard time saying no to her.

XXXXX

J closes his eyes as the late afternoon sun beats down on him. The waves coming in are calm, maybe that tranquility will wear off on him. He doesn't really know why he decided to come to the beach after he stormed out of the house. He needed to get away. Away from that house. Away from the crazy bullshit of the house. Away from Baz.

J would like to think he was good at reading the situation and people. He had to be growing up with his mother. He learned when It was okay to go to school. When to stay home because his mother shot up way too much. That it was okay to be around Jimmy because he was a good guy for the most part. To stay away from Kyle and Johnny because they were mean fuckers when they were high.

That skill didn't end when his mother's life did. He's still using it now. Probably more than ever. He knows that every dealing with Smurf is like a chess move. He can't just look at the present, but at the bigger picture. He knows that Deran tries to be a thug but deep down he is a mama's boy. Craig doesn't seem too bad. He gets a little crazy sometimes, but that's probably because of all the shit he snorts up his nose. Pope. He knows enough to stay away from Pope. But, Baz is one who confuses him. When J first met Baz, the guy seemed okay. Now it seems like Baz can barely stand him. Hasn't he proved his worth yet?

So lost in his own head, J doesn't see the man walking towards him until he's just a few feet away.

"J, is that you?"

For a second J feels like he can't breathe. That all the oxygen has left his lungs. He knows that voice….

It's the same voice that even though he has tried like hell to forget still taunts him in his dreams. Still gives him goosebumps when he thinks he hears it in line at the convenience store. It's the voice that he prayed like hell never to hear again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J begins to spiral...

It's late when Smurf comes home from her "appointment." Even though it's quite late the lights are on out by the pool. Her interest peaked, she makes her way outside and spots Craig and J sitting in a couple of the lounge chairs. The small table and ground is littered with several beer bottles. A bottle of whiskey, with a good amount gone, is also on the table along with a couple of shot glasses.

"Jesus. You guys had a party and didn't invite me?" Smurf asks, with a hint of hurt in her voice.

Craig looks up from his phone and up at his mother shrugging his shoulders. "Was kind of a last minute thing."

Smurf runs her hand through her son's hair. Craig seems alright. His eyes are a little red. And he has that little goofy, drunken grin. But, he doesn't seem to be too drunk. But the amount of empty bottles tells another story. "Everything okay, baby?"

Just as Craig nods his head, her grandson lets out a strange giggle. She almost has to do a double take because she has never heard her grandson make that noise before. She moves towards him and coughs when she smells the booze radiating off him.

"Is he drunk?" Smurf asks.

J lets out another strange laugh.

Craig starts laughing. "There's your answer."

"Jesus, Craig!" Smurf admonishes her son as she takes him the scene in front of her. "How can you let this happen?"

"Let this happen?" Craig replies. "I wasn't pouring the shit down his throat. Besides, I think it's about damn time the kid lets off some steam woth all the shit that's been going on. First, Julia. Then the shit with the teacher and the last job. The kid needs it."

Smurf bites her lip. Her grandson seemed to be doing so well with everything. Almost too well. Their family is not the easiest to settle into. But, J seemed to have settled in just fine. Then again looking around the patio and seeing all the empty bottles, maybe everything wasn't as fine as she thought it was. She guesses it's better that J is drinking at the house than out in public where there are ears that would be eager to hear what he knows about the family business.

"I guess you're right. But why now? What brought this on?"

Craig shakes his head. "No clue. I mean we never ever talked. And especially now with me and Nicky…"Craig's voice tapers off for a second before he continues. "But, today he came up to me and asked me to get him some booze."

"You didn't ask why?"

Craig rolls his eyes. "Because that's the type of family we are? We talk to each other about our issues. Jesus, you were drugging Pope's food to keep him from going psycho!"

"That's different!" Smurf says as she glances at J who looks like he's passed out. "He's a kid who never drinks and parties. Hell, I don't know how he can even be Julia's kid." She motions to the carnage of empty bottles. "This isn't like him."

"The shit with Baz? I mean I don't know everything that's going on. But, he has been a major dick to J lately."

"Could be," Smurf answers. Maybe she needs to tell Baz to cut back on the hostility a bit.

"He's under 18. Does good in school. If he starts acting up now it's going to raise some attention. And the last thing we need is unwanted attention."

Craig nods his head. "I get it."

"Good, now get him to bed. He has school tomorrow."

Craig laughs. "After the amount he had, I doubt it."

"Fine! Whatever. I don't want him out here all night. It still gets chilly out here and I don't want him to catch a cold."

"Why me?"

"You're the one that let him get this bad. You can get him to bed."

Craig rolls his eyes but stands up nonetheless. He shakes his nephew's shoulders several times to try and rouse him. But, the teenager remains dead to the world.

"Come on, kid." Craig says as he lifts the teenager up from the chair. "Man, you reek. How much booze did you spill on yourself If you got half in you that you got on you then you're really going to be hurting tomorrow." J remains silent as the two start making their long journey to J's room with Craig doing much of the work with Smurf following close behind.

Craig unceremoniously drops his nephew onto his bed. Smurf comes into the room and goes to unlace her grandson's shoes. The kid is really out of it and still doesn't move.

"Get that sweatshirt off of him, he's going to wake up sweating." Smurf orders her son not too gently.

With not too gentle, rough hands Craig tries to maneuver his nephew out of his hoodie. It's this that finally rouses the teenager from his stupor.

He flinches away from Craig. "Don't touch me," he slurs.

"Come on kid," Craig tries to reason as J attempts to push his uncle away with clumsy, drunken movements. "You're going to be sweating your balls off if I don't get that off of you."

The moment of lucidity quickly leaves the teenager as he once again passes out, allowing Craig to get him out of the sweatshirt.

Once J is settled, Craig and Smurf look at each other tiredly.

"Christ, what a fiasco." Craig sighs as he goes to leave the room.

Smurf gives her son a small smile as she turns off the light to J's room and closes the bedroom door. "Tomorrow's going to be fun."

"Maybe for us. But not for him," Craig snickers pointing to J's room.

XXXX

His head is pounding. His mouth feels like he swallowed a bag of cotton balls. He tries to swallow, but it does nothing. He's parched. He rolls away from the blinding sun that's peaking though his. He closes his eyes hoping the blinding pain eases up a bit. When the pain lessens to a somewhat bearable level, he opens his eyes again. They go cartoonishly big when he sees it's after ten. FUCK. He has to get to school! He gets up quickly. A little too quickly from the looks of it when he feels his liquid dinner from the night before churn in his gut. What the hell was he thinking?!

He wasn't. Why else would he had asked Craig to get him booze and proceed to get drunk off his ass on a Tuesday night.

No, on second thought he was thinking. He was thinking too much. He was thinking of Damien coming up to him on the beach. The same Damien that he swore he would never let get near him again. It may have been a few years since he last saw Damien. But, that didn't matter. The asshole still had the same effect on him that he had on J when he was younger. Those steely, ice blue yes. The sinister, curl of his lip. The taunting tone in his words that made even a casual "hey, what's up" send a shiver down his spine. The last time J saw Damien was when the cops took him away after he failed a drug test and fucked up his probation. With Damien out of the picture, his mother couldn't afford the place they were staying at so they moved. Damien never came looking for them. Thank God. And just like that Damien was out of J's life. That was until yesterday.

J told himself that if he ever saw Damien again he would tell him to fuck off. Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead, he all but ran home and asked Craig to get him some alcohol. Sat by the pool and drank more than he ever had before.

And the worst part of the whole thing is that Damien didn't really do anything to warrant such a reaction. That's the fucked-up part.

"J, is that you?"

J looks up like a deer caught in the headlights.

"J? J? You okay, man?"

J shakes some of the fog from his head. "Yeah."

Damien gives him a crooked smile. "You live around here?"

"Um, yeah. My mom…"

"I know. I heard about Julia. I'm sorry man."

J nods his head.

"So who are you staying with?"

"My um, grandmother."

"Your grandmother?!" Damien lets out a snort. "I thought she and Julia didn't get along."

"They didn't," J answers truthfully.

"Gotcha. Well, I got to get going. It was good seeing you, J."

J doesn't reply. It sure as hell wasn't good to see Damien.

"I'll see you around."

It was that last sentence that sent J into a tailspin. "I'll see you around." Why would Damien say such a thing? Julia, his meal ticket, was gone. There's no reason for Damien to see him around. No, it was Damien still fucking with him even after all these years.

Tired of thinking too much, his head still pounding, J rolls over and buries his head in his pillow. Hopefully, his exhausted body wouldn't let Damien follow him into his subconscious.

XXXXX

Craig's loud whistle only makes the pain in J's head worsen as he finally enters the living room well into the afternoon to find Lena and Craig watching some cartoon on the large television screen. Loudly. Too loudly.

"Man, you look like shit." Craig laughs.

"Thanks?" J replies as he takes a seat on the couch. Sighing loudly, as he rests his aching head back against the couch.

"Your hair looks funny!" Lena says with a giggle.

J runs his hand though his unruly hair. Great. First Craig. Then Lena. He should have just stayed in his room.

"You need something? Water? Tylenol? Shot of whiskey?" Craig offers.

At the mention of whiskey, J has to quick swallow a couple of times before he pukes.

"Don't say that!" J whispers.

"What? Whiskey?" Craig asks. "I just figured. You know that saying, hair of the cat?"

J has to do a couple more quick swallows at his uncle's second mention of whiskey before he loses the battle with his stomach. Once he thinks it's finally safe to talk, he mutters. "I think what you meant was 'hair of the dog that bit you'."

Craig waves his nephew's correction off. "Cat? Dog? Same thing. Obviously, you knew what I meant"

"Uncle Craig! A cat and dog is not the same thing!" Lena says, laughing.

Craig stands up from the couch. "Seriously, though. I'm going to grab you something to drink-"

"Don't!" J calls out.

"Don't worry! I'll get you some water or Gatorade. No beer or whiskey."

J lets out a drive heave as his uncle disappears into the kitchen.

"Everything okay in there?" Smurf asks her son.

"Oh yeah," Craig lets out a laugh as he takes a bottle of Gatorade out of the fridge for his nephew and a beer for himself. "J is just feeling it today. He won't be drinking like that again anytime soon."

"He got that bad?" Baz asks from where he is sitting at the kitchen table.

"Oh, yeah. Let's just say the boy didn't inherit his mother's alcohol tolerance," Craig replies.

"That's not like him," Baz says.

Craig shakes his head as he twists the bottle of his beer. "Nope, but. The kid is funny as hell when he drinks. He can do this awesome English accent."

"English accent? Really?" Smurf asks.

"Dead on."

Smurf smiles as she hands Craig a bottle of Tylenol. "Here, he probably needs these too."

Lena calls from the living room. "Come on, Uncle Craig! We're going to watch The Little Mermaid! Come watch!"

"Coming!" Craig answers as he exits the kitchen.

"J really got that drunk last night?" Baz asks Smurf.

Smurf nods her head. "The kid was basically passed out when I got home. Craig had to put him to bed."

"Jesus," Baz says as he grabs a beer from the fridge. "He doesn't drink."

Smurf nods her head in agreement. "I know. Craig thinks he's just letting off steam."

"What do you think?" Baz asks.

"What? You give a shit about the kid now?"

"It's not like that. He's young. We can't afford for him to get sloppy. It affects us all."

"Well, then. Let's hope Craig is right and this was a one time thing."

Baz takes a large sip from his beer." Here's to Craig being right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as J's situation improves, Lena's takes a sad turn.

Just as quickly as Damien re-entered J's life, he was gone. Their run in on the beach a few weeks back was it. And that is just fine with J…and his liver. With Damien out of the picture, J's life has returned back to normal. Well, as normal as life can be when you're living with your criminal family and your cousin who is more likely than not your half-sister. Between school and his part of the family business, there's not much time to even think about the brief reappearance of Damien. Hell, even Baz has taken his hostility down a couple of notches. Can he dare to say things are actually going well?

"Come on, J! I'm hungry!" Lena says looking up at her older cousin.

J nods his head. Lena is finally feeling a little better and wanted to go to the beach. With his uncles out doing whatever they do and Smurf and Baz having an appointment, that left J to take the young girl to the beach. The kid hasn't been feeling up to doing much of anything lately, so when Lena woke up that morning feeling half way decent and asked if she can go to the beach, Baz put his displeasure with the teenager aside and reluctantly agreed to let J take her for the day.

"What do you want? Ice-cream?" J suggests. Ice-cream always seems to be a safe bet with the young girl.

Lena shakes her head, motioning towards the direction of a local diner known for their breakfast creations. "Pancakes!"

"Pancakes?" J looks at the girl quizzically. "It's almost time for dinner?"

"Pancakes are good any time."

J bites his lip, as if pondering Lena's pancake comment is some universal big question.

"Hmmmm. I guess you're right. Pancakes it is."

"Yes!" Lena exclaims. "I want to get some with peanut butter cups!"

With their meal agreed on, Lena and J make their way to the small restaurant that's nearby, stopping occasionally on the way when they see something that peaks their interest. For Lena, it's when she sees something interesting on the beach. J had to tell her to put down the empty nip bottle, hairbrush, and numerus pieces of driftwood to name a few.

For J, it was the numerous scantily clad girls.

"Come on, J! I'm hungry!" Lena says exasperated as J gives a girl who stopped them on their way directions to a surf shop that's nearby. "You don't even surf!"

J gives the girl a glare before turning to the blonde. "She's lying. I surf."

The blonde wanna-be surfer laughs as she leaves the pair behind.

"Thanks a lot, Lena." J says as they once again make their way to the pancake destination.

"What?" The little girl asks innocently. "I'm hungry. And you don't have good taste in girls anyway."

Lena may be a little kid, but she sure can read people. And pretty well as a matter of fact. She's weary of Pope. Smitten with Craig. And doesn't have much interaction with Deran.

But, Nicky is the one person she really doesn't seem to like. And she's told J this numerous times. She even told Craig, much to her uncle's chagrin and J's amusement. . Maybe it's a female intuition thing? Or a kid intuition thing.

"You really don't like Nicky, huh?"

"Nope," Lena says, heavy emphasis on the p. Message received. The Nicky conversation is over.

Before long they finally reach the "Breakfast House." With their orders taken. Peanut buttercup pancakes for Lena with a chocolate milk. Man. Baz is going to kill him. Lena is going to be bouncing off the walls from all this sugar. For now, Lena's entertaining herself blowing bubbles in her milk while waiting for their food. J can't help but laugh when a milk bubble pops right in the girl's face. The stern look she tries to give him when he laughs at her expense only makes him laugh harder. Lena joins in.

"Sounds like you guys are having a good time?"

And just like that. The good mood is gone. The pure fun J was just feeling is instantly replaced with dread when he looks up. Damien.

"Isn't she a little young to be your girlfriend?" Damien jokes.

"I'm not his girlfriend." Lena replies coldly. Her tone void of any good humor that she was just experiencing. "I'm his cousin."

"You are?" Damien feigns interest.

"His mom and my dad were brother and sister." Lena answers.

"They were, huh?" Damien says looking back and forth between the two in the booth. "You know I used to live with J and his mom a few years back."

J can feel the bile in his gut turning. Please, don't talk about that time. Lena doesn't need to know about it. J sure as hell doesn't need to relive it. But, J can't seem to find his words.

"You did?" Lena asks, returning her attention to blowing bubbles in her milk.

"Yeah. J was a little older than you when I moved in. Is he still really good at math?"

"Uh huh," Lena replies. But, she doesn't say anything else. She doesn't tell him how J helps her most nights with her homework. Damien doesn't need to know what his life is like now. Damien was the past. His life with his uncles, Lena, and Smurf is the present.

"Maybe some-"

"Here you guys go!" The waitress says as she places their food in front of them. "Peanut buttercup pancakes for the little lady and blueberry for her cute baby-sitter." J instantly feels the blush on his cheeks as Lena starts to giggle.

"Enjoy!" The waitress calls out as she leaves the table.

"I guess I'll let you guys eat," Damien says as he too leaves the table without a word or acknowledgement from J or Lena.

When Damien is out earshot, Lena looks up from her plate of food and whispers not too softly. "I don't like him."

"Me neither," J says looking out the window as Damien walks away from the diner. Thankfully, Damien doesn't turn around. J can feel the young girl's eyes on him. "Eat up, Lena. You don't want them to get cold."

Lena nods her head and gets back to her sugary pancake dinner. At least Lena is enjoying her dinner, J's appetite is gone.

XXXXX

It's a little before seven before a sugared-up Lena and a weary J make their way home.

"Well, there you are!" Smurf greets them when they enter the kitchen. "We were starting to get worried. Are you hungry, baby girl?" Smurf asks, kissing her granddaughter's forehead.

"No. J took me to get pancakes," Lena answers.

Smurf smiles. "He did, huh? I should have known. There's syrup all over your face! Well, I think it's time you get into the tub and get your pajamas on."

"Already?"

"Already," Baz pecks in for the first time since the pair walked into the kitchen.

"Come on, Daddy!" Lena says walking over to her father. "It's still early!"

"It's still early!" Baz mimics in an obnoxiously high pitched voice, tickling his daughter. "Ewww, you're all sticky! Why don't you get in the tub and get that stickiness off?"

Lena starts to pout.

"I didn't say anything about bed time," Baz says.

"Okay!" Lena smiles as she starts to run towards the bathroom with Baz following behind her to start he bath water.

J has a shit ton of homework that he can be working on. But, when he turns to go to his room Smurf says, "You're really good with her."

J turns around and looks at his grandmother.

"You are. I never would have known you're an only child the way you are with her," Smurf says, smiling.

"She's a good kid."

"She is," Smurf confirms. "You need to look after her."

For a second, J's heart tops. She knows.

"Catherine is gone. Baz is still grieving. I mean Pope is Pope. Deran is gone half the time. Craig is pretty good with her when he's not high off his ass," Smurf explains.

Oh good. She's referring to that.

"She's family," J says simply.

"That she is," Smurf says as she looks sadly down the hallway where Lena can be heard giggling.

Smurf is acting strange well, stranger than normal.

"Is everything okay?"

Smurf doesn't answer. Her silence is freaking him out. What could have happened that has her so quiet. Then he remembers.

"The appointment you and Baz had to go to?" J asks.

"It was with Lean's pediatrician. Her bloodwork came back," Smurf says,

"And?" J asks as he walks closer to his grandmother. He knew there was something going on with Lena. Kids get sick. But, not as much as Lena does.

"They think she has aplastic anemia," Smurf says softly.

"What's that?" J asks. "Is it like cancer?"

Smurf shakes her head. "Not quite. I'm not good with all that doctor stuff. But, basically, there's something wrong with her blood. And that's why she's so tired all the time and gets sick so often."

"How do you treat it? With chemo?" J asks, biting his lip nervously.

Smurf shakes her head and gives him a small smile. "It's a mild case. We just have to keep an eye on her. She may need a blood transfusion every once in a while, but then she'll be right as rain. We just need to keep a close eye on her."

J nods his head taking everything his grandmother just told him in. "I'll keep an eye on her."

Smurf runs her hand through his hair. "I know you will baby."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damien makes another appearance that rattles J.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out things will get a little triggery. Damien's sordid past with J will become a major story point from here on out.

The weeks following Lena's diagnosis marches on. In fact, things pretty much stay unchanged in the Cody household. Deran is still doing whatever he does when he's not around his brothers. Craig is still getting high as shit. Pope is still being a creepy fucker. Baz is still avoiding being a father as much as he can. And J is just silently taking it all in.

The good news is that the continuity has also extended to Lena's health. Lena has been fine over the last couple of weeks. Not even a sniffle. In fact, Lena has not been this healthy probably since before Cat disappeared. The tension over the girl's health has seemed to have diminished a bit.

Things are almost going too well. Smurf has even started to show J some of the inner workings of the family business. Nothing big just collecting rent payments from their tenants. It's nothing much, but he has to start somewhere. Plus, J likes numbers. No need to write down who owes what. Who is late from last month. Or how much does the guy over on Esperanza owe for interest. He can remember all that. His memory is a gift, when it's not a curse.

J can't help but smile when he recalls the look on Shaun's face when he reminded him of the interest the tenant owed for last month's late rent. The guy probably thought that he could get away without paying it because J was coming for the payment and not Smurf. The guy was wrong. A lot of people think that they may be able to get one over on J because of his age, or because of his quiet demeanor. But, they are surely mistaken. J knows how to take care of himself. He has had to do so for most of his life.

With business done for the day, J arrives home. He rides his bike into the garage passing Baz' truck. He wonders what brings Baz here. The guy hasn't been home in almost a week. At least Lena will be happy to see her father. Just this morning she asked Smurf when he was coming home during breakfast.

When he walks into the kitchen the conversation that's been taking place comes to a complete stop. Making it clearly obvious that he's not privy to whatever was being discussed. His uncles are spaced throughout the kitchen. Based on the newfound silence in the room he no doubt walked in on a business meeting.

"It's J." Craig states the obvious. "Go on," His uncle signals with his hand to continue the conversation.

"You sure?" Deran asks looking from J to Baz.

Baz gives J a hard stare. Yep. He's still a dick even after his time away. "It's fine," Baz agrees. "I mean we can trust you. Can't we, J?"

J silently nods his head.

Craig lets out a laugh. "Course' we can. I mean the kid doesn't talk. Like ever."

"Yeah, we know that." Deran replies motioning towards the doorway to the patio. "But he doesn't."

Before J can see who Deran is motioning to, the up until now silent voice speaks.

"No need to worry, Deran. J and I go way back." It can't be. But he knows it is exactly who he hopes it wouldn't be. Shouldn't be.

J's eyes slowly move to the source of that creepy, condescending voice that he thought he was free from. Sure, enough it's him. It's Damien. And this time he's not standing on the beach. Or at the diner. He's standing in the middle of J's house.

"You two know each other?" Baz asks Damien.

Damen gives him eyeroll and a smirk. "Yeah, me and Julia hooked up again years ago." He turns to J. "I know he's a smart kid. Knows what to do to stay out of trouble."

J can feel the bile gurgle in his gut. He can feel the flush on his cheeks. But his uncles seem oblivious to his distress.

Baz nods his head. "Okay, then. As long as you're good with him here. So are we."

"Sweet! Damien is going to be helping us out on our next job," Craig explains.

"I don't know if it's a good idea to bring someone else in on this," Deran says.

For once J agrees with Deran. No, they don't need anyone else. Especially not Damien.

Baz shakes his head. "Like I told you before. With this warehouse they have major security. We need another guy."

"Does Pope-"

"Daddy!" Lena exclaims as she runs to her father, abruptly ending all conversation of the upcoming job.

"Hey, Kiddo." Baz says kissing his daughter on the cheek.

"I missed you," Lena says into her father's neck.

"I missed you, too." Baz says pulling away from his daughter. "I just have to finish this and then we can go get dinner. Okay?"

Lena reluctantly nods her head. "Can we get tacos?"

Baz doesn't say anything for a second. Making it look like he's really thinking about his daughter's question. But then a small smile appears on his face. "I guess, but only if we get icecream later."

Lena excitedly nods her head as Baz laughs. "Okay, now go watch tv for a little bit until I'm done."

"Can I watch tv with J" Lena asks.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Baz says looking over his shoulder to J.

"J, wanna watch tv with me?"

J lets out a quick yes. Anything to get out of this room. Anything to get away from Damien. Lena eagerly pulls him towards the living room. As they're leaving the kitchen he swears he hears Damien say, "Lena's cute." That just makes J hold onto his cousin's hand even tighter.

XXXXX

The sunlight comes streaming into the room. J rolls over burrowing his head into the back of the couch to get away from the blinding light. Wait? Couch? He opens his eyes and sure enough he's not in his room. He's on the couch in the living room.

What the hell happened last night?

J keeps his eyes closed as he wills his head to stop spinning, as well as he tries to recall the events from the night before that landed him on the couch with one hell of a hangover.

After Lena rescued him from the awkward meeting in the kitchen, they watched tv for a bit. Then Baz took Lena for the night. Without having to entertain Lena, J's thoughts went where he didn't want them to go. They went back to when Damien and his mom were together. Back to when Damien's touches lingered a little too long and Julia was too high to see what was going on.

J needed to drown out those thoughts. Good news for him is that there was no shortage of booze on hand in the Cody house. Nicky and Craig didn't mind him joining their drinking festivities. They didn't need to know his reason for getting hammered on a Thursday night. They didn't ask why. And he was grateful for that.

He's drifting off to sleep when he feels a warm, small on his face. "You're all sweaty."

J rolls over and sees Lena standing by the couch. His hungover mind may be playing tricks on him, but he swears she has a look of disappointment on her face. Like she expects more from him. Great.

"And you smell," she says curling up her lip.

Yep. She's definitely disgusted.

"You smell," J says back because that's really all his fogged mind can come up with at this moment.

Lena shakes her head at him. "You smell like Uncle Craig."

J rubs a hand over his sweaty face tiredly. Ignoring, his cousin's jab, "What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have school?"

"My throat hurts."

J's hangover instantly takes the back burner when he hears that Lena is not feeling well. He knows how fragile her health is. His own troubles fade as he makes room on the couch for the young girl. Lena takes the hint and jumps onto the couch.

It takes a couple of minutes. And J almost throws up when Lena accidentally knees him in the gut when she tries to get comfortable on the couch. But when they finally do get comfortable, Lena turns to J. "Can we watch Moana?"

"Again?" Because even if she is giving him her sad eyes he doesn't know he can watch that movie again.

"Pleassse," Lena says puffing out her bottom lip.

Between the eyes and lip, he's done. He turns on the Blu-ray player. "Fine, but no singing."

Lena gives him a smile, "singing and scratchin', flipping and snapin.'"

J rolls his eyes as the movie starts. The kid is such a smartass.

Not even twenty minutes into the movie, J can feel his eyes closing as Lena's soft singing along with the movie lulls him to sleep


	9. Nightnmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J has a nightmare. Apparently, he's not the only one who is troubled by them.

J's mind wishes that it would just let him sleep. That it will let him forget what's, or who is on the other side of his bedroom door. But, it won't let him. He's on high alert. The now silence is far scarier than the yelling match that his mom and Damien were in nearly an hour ago. The screaming and sounds of broken glass has stopped and instead has been replaced with an eerie silence. In his young life, J knows that the quiet is not always good.

He may be nine, but he knows that monsters do exist. That they do come into little kid's bedrooms late at night or during the day when mom is passed out. He just hopes that the monsters stay away tonight. His back is to the door, so he can't make out whose shadow it is when his bedroom door creeps open. He watches as the shadow moves closer to his bed.

"Please be mom. Please be mom," J prays silently as he clenches his eyes shut almost as if to will the visitor away.

A large hand grabs his shoulder. It's far too big to be his mom's. He's felt these hands far too many times. No!

"You awake, J?" The hand grips tighter. "Wake up, J" Damien slurs. But, J refuses to open his eyes and feigns sleep.

He's done this before. Pretend like he's sleeping and sometimes it worked. Damien gets tired and just leaves him alone. Especially if Damien is very drunk. Damien and mom were already drinking when he got home from school and based on how badly Damien is slurring his words, J is pretty sure that Damien should be passing out soon. He just has to fake like he's sleeping a little longer and hopefully Damien will give up and leave him alone.

He can't think about the other times. The other times when J faked sleeping and instead of giving up, it egged Damien on…

"J wake up," the voice says. But instead of gripping him tighter, the touch is softer. Confused, J opens his eyes.

And instead of Damien's cold, dead eyes he's looking into Lena's concerned, brown ones. "J? Are you awake?"

J looks around the room in alarm. He lets out a sigh in relief when he realizes that he's not in his cramped bedroom in that shabby apartment on La Esperanza. He's in Smurf's living room with a very worried Lena looking at him.

"Are you okay?" Lena asks.

J rubs some of the sleep from his eyes. He tries to be reassuring but he can't help it when his voice cracks. "I'm okay, Lena."

"It's okay," Lena says with a sad smile. "I have nightmares too."

Neither one says anything else as Lena turns her attention back to the television and changes the channel to another cartoon.

XXXXX

It's nearly three o'clock when Baz makes an appearance. He walks into the house to see Smurf standing in the doorway to the living room. Curious to see what has attracted the matriarch's attention, Baz follows her gaze to where Lena and J are sleeping on opposite ends of the couch. Both oblivious to the loud Disney cartoon playing on the television and to the two observers in the doorway.

"They're both home from school?" Baz asks.

Smurf nods her head, turning to look at her adoptive son. "J had a rough night last night."

"Again?" Baz asks with a bit of disgust in his voice. "He definitely can't hold his liquor like his mother."

Smurf smiles. "He's a good boy. He's not much of a partyer."

"So, what's changed?" Baz asks and then motions with his head towards his daughter. "And what's going on with Lena? Why is she home?"

"She has a bit of a sore throat."

Baz' eyes go wide in alarm.

"Don't worry. She's not running a fever. I didn't want to send her to school to risk her getting sicker," Smurf says reassuringly.

Baz nods his head in understanding.

"Everything okay? How's business?" Smurf asks.

"I'm getting ready to meet up with Damien in a bit. Says he has something he wants to talk to me about."

Their conversation is on business, but their eyes are still on Lena and J. J starts muttering and twitching in his sleep.

"You ever wonder what is was like for him with Julia? I mean she was volatile in the best of times," Smurf says.

Baz shakes his head. "I have no clue. No way in hell was it easy. The kid showed up here with nothing but the clothes on his back."

J lets out a painful whimper as he attempts to burrow his head in his pillow.

"Too bad you kicked her out," Baz says and quickly adds, "It's in the past. No use crying over it."

"You're right."

Baz chuckles. "I don't hear that very often from you. Can I get that in writing?"

"Shut up," Smurf says.

"I have to go meet Damien. Keep an eye on them," Baz says as he turns around to leave.

Smurf can't help but smile when Baz says "them."

XXXXX

The next time J wakes up it is not to a concerned, young face peering at him. It's to an intense heat on his legs. What the hell? Curious, J opens his eyes. He sees that sometime in her slumber Lena has moved positions and is now basically laying on J's legs.

J pokes her with his socked foot. "Lena, wake up. You're on my feet." Nothing. He pokes her again. "Come on, Lena."

The kid still doesn't move. Concerned, J clears some of the hangover fog from his brain as he sits up. "Lena?" When he goes to gently tap Lena's cheek, he's met with an intense heat. An intense heat is coming off her. Strands of hair are sticking to her rosy cheeks. Shit! The kid has a fever.

J's mind instantly recalls everything that Smurf has told him about Lena's aplastic anemia. How Lena's immune system is compromised and that any one of the mill ailment can quickly turn into something much, much worse.

"Lena?! Lena?! You gotta wake up!" But J's calls fall on deaf ears


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J rushes Lena to the ER and is forced to tell a 'fib.'

The Emergency Room is pretty much deserted when J walks up to the registration desk with Lena perched on his hip. The last place his still hungover body wants to be is the hospital. But Lena is Sick. Waking up to the kid's overheated body scared the shit out of him. After rousing the kid enough to take her temperature he was forced into action when the thermometer read a scary 102.7. His phone calls and texts to Smurf and his uncles went unanswered. With no other choice he slipped on a pair of sneakers and wrapped Lena in a blanket and rushed to the nearest emergency room. And here they are.

"Hello, how can I help you tonight?" A lady by the name of Sarah asks.

"Um, my name is J, and this is Lena." J motions with his head to the young girl in his arms. "She's been home sick with a sore throat. But she began running a fever not too long ago. Her pediatrician is closed for the night and I want her to get checked out."

It takes a little maneuvering since Lena is being extra clingy, but he is able to retrieve Lena's insurance card from his pocket. "Here is her insurance card."

Sarah takes the card and begins inputting information into the computer.

"And your relationship to Lena?" Sarah asks.

Relationship? How does he describe his relationship to Lena without having the woman either call the psych ward for a consultation or worse…the cops? J can't very well say that Lena's his long-lost cousin whose life he just became a part of a year ago when his mom overdosed leaving him nowhere to go but to move in with his crime boss grandmother. She's his cousin who has become kinda attached to him since her mother disappeared without a trace months ago. Or better yet, should he say that the kid is more likely than not his younger sister, who share the same father. The same father who has made it clear that he has no interest in acknowledging that he can his father.

"Sir?" Sarah asks getting J's attention.

"Um, what?" J asks.

"Your relationship with Lena?" Sarah asks again.

He knows he will probably hear shit about it later, but he knows a brother-sister relationship is seen as a closer one than cousin-cousin. Looks better in the eyes of hospital personnel. He'll deal with Baz' shit later. After Lena is checked out. After he knows Lena is okay.

"I'm her brother," J says looking down at Lena.

Sarah gives him a small smile. "Okay, so she has had a sore throat for the last day and has recently started running a fever. When did you take her temperature last? What was it? Did you give her anything to try and bring it down?"

"She's been on children's Tylenol for her throat. And her temp was 102.7. I know kids run fevers when they get sick, but she was diagnosed with aplastic anemia not too long ago," J explains adjusting Lena in his arms.

"She was diagnosed with aplastic anemia?" Sarah asks in alarm.

J nods his head. "Up until know she's been okay, but my grandmother told me how with aplastic anemia, little things can get bad fast. She was fine before. Watching movies with me. But then when I woke up I saw that she has a fever and she's been quiet."

"You did the right thing, J by bringing her in. Who is your sister's pediatrician?" Sarah asks.

"Dr. Samuels, "J answers as Lena tries to burrow herself further into J's neck.

"Okay," I'm going to finish updating Lena's file and talk to the doctor who is in charge. Take a seat for now, but we will be with you very shortly."

"Thank you," J says as he turns towards the waiting room to take a seat. He tries to put Lena in her own chair, but she won't have any of it, letting out a sad whimper as her tiny arms cling harder around J's neck. It's uncomfortable as all hell, but if the position brings a little comfort to the little girl then who is J to complain. Luckily, Sarah is true to her word and they don't have to wait long before Lena is called back into the examination area.

They follow an older nurse named Sophie into a well-lit exam room. God his head hurts. How long can a hangover last? J attempts to remove Lena's arms from around his neck as he goes to place her on the exam table, but Lena refuses. "Come on, Lena. I have to put you down. I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to sit in a chair."

Lena wipes her sweaty forehead on his neck. "No, don't let go."

"I'm not going anywhere, Lee." J tries to reason.

"No!" Lena protests.

"It's okay, honey." Sophie says soothingly. "Your brother can sit with you."

The fact that Lena still has not corrected J or the hospital staff that they're cousins tells how sick the girl is.

"Thank you," Lena says as J sits down on the exam table adjusting Lena so that she's sitting comfortably on his lap.

"No problem, sweet pea, "Sophie says as she begins to take Lena's vitals. The nurse is quick and efficient but is gentle at the same time. She reminds J of a grandmother. The kind you read about or see on tv. Not like Smurf. It's comfortingly. His nerves have been on high alert ever since he woke up to a feverish, almost nonresponsive Lena. Sophie's calming presence is definitely helping put him at ease.

"I'm going to save some time and draw some blood before Dr. Malone comes in," Sophie says. "That way we can get you feeling better quicker, sweetie."

"I don't like needles," Lena says.

"I know honey. I have a granddaughter who is about your age and she hates them too. And she hates being sick." Sophie says as she ties an alcohol pad along the crook of Lena's elbow. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"She doesn't have a big brother like you do. Does J make you feel better when you're sad, sick or hurt?" Sophie asks.

Lena nods her head. "Uh huh. One time I had a really bad nose bleed and J helped stopped it. And when I have nightmares J reads to me until I fall back asleep."

Sophie smiles. "It sounds like J is really good at making you feel better. So, what I want you to do is grab his hand and when you feel the needle squeeze really tight. Now close your eyes."

J feels Lena grab onto his hand tightly.

"Are your eyes closed, Lena?" Sophie asks.

"Yeah"

"Are you sure?" Sophie asks.

"They're closed," Lena says as she squeezes J's fingers even tighter. J gives her a reassuring squeeze back.

"Okay," Sophie says as gets the needle ready. "So, what do you and J like to do?"

"We go to the beach. We make sandcastles. J is teaching me how to swim. He said that once I'm good at swimming then he will teach me how to surf." Lena says.

"Ohhh! I love the beach! And I love surfing." Sophie says.

"You like surfing" Lena asks. "But you're a grandma!"

"Hey! Grandmas can surf!" Sophie says smiling as she inserts the needle into Lena's arm.

J feels Lena's tiny fingers squeeze his tightly.

"So besides going to the beach what else do you guys do?"

"J reads to me. He does all the voices. My favorite is when he does Edward from 'raculous Journey of Edward Tulane. And he lets me eat icecream for dinner sometimes."

Sophie looks up at J. "Oh, he does. Doesn't he?"

"Lena!" J laughs. "You're going to get me in trouble!"

"He also makes really good mac and cheese and sloppy joes," Lena adds.

"Icecream. Mac and cheese. Sloppy Joes. It sounds like J makes all the basic food groups," Sophie jokes as she replaces the filled tube with an empty one. Jesus. How much blood are they taking?

"He also makes pancakes," Lena says.

"With blueberries," J adds closing his eyes. The sight of the test tube filling with blood is starting to make him nauseas.

"Ahhh. There's your fruit," Sophie adds as she takes out the needle. "All done."

"Thank God," J whispers.

"Were you scared?" Lena asks looking up at his pale complexion.

J shakes his head. "Nah, I just not a fan of blood." Especially when he's still nursing one hell of a hangover.

"It's okay," Lena says gently slapping his cheek. "You were fine when I got my bloody nose."

"I think it's because I'm tired," J says. He's too exhausted to try and explain the concept of adrenaline and how it helped him power through when she got that awful nose bleed.

Lena nods and snuggles in closer and once again wraps her arms around J's neck in a vice.

"Okay, guys. Dr. Malone should be in here shortly. Feel better, Lena." Sophie says before she leaves.

While they wait for Dr. Malone, Lena and J talk about little things. About maybe going to the beach when Lena feels better. And about J's birthday that is coming up. And no, he's not having a party.

Lena's aplastic anemia diagnosis must be rushing them through the tedious ER process because Dr. Malone soon makes his appearance.

"How are you feeling, Lena?"

"Not good. My throat hurts."

"And she has a fever," J adds.

Dr. Malone takes Lena's vitals again. Checks her chest.

"Your fever has not gone up since you got here. That's good. I see that Nurse Sophie already drew some blood," Dr. Malone says. "I just want to check Lena's blood counts. It shouldn't-"

J's attention is completely on the doctor so he doesn't hear him enter until he hears his voice.

"Hey! What's going on?!"

J looks away from the doctor to see Baz standing in the doorway to the cubicle. He looks pissed. Frazzled. Oh shit.

"Daddy!" Lena exclaims.

"Excuse me, sir?" Dr. Malone asks. "Who are you?"

"I'm Barry Brown. Lena's father." Baz explains.

"Okay," Dr. Malone says as he looks back and forth between the three people in the cubicle. From the look on his face he is clearly a little confused about the family dynamics. Who is related to her and how "Your daughter's...brother."

Baz' eyes go large. "Brother?!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J's bad day just gets even worse when he gets home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember the tags for this story...

"Brother?!" Baz says.

"Your daughter's brother," Dr. Malone says again. "Was I mistaken?"

Baz gives J a glare, but it softens a bit when he notices how Lena is clinging to J like an octopus. "No, you're right. Sorry, go ahead."

Dr. Malone looks between J and Baz. Tricky family situations and frazzled fathers must not be anything new to the ER doctor because he quickly regroups and gets back to the matter at hand. "As I was saying, your daughter's brother brought Lena in. He became concern when Lena started running a fever. He was concerned that with Lena's recent aplastic anemia diagnosis that there could be something more going on than just a sore throat."

Baz nods his head. "Okay, so what now?"

"I was able to get in touch with your daughter's pediatrician. Dr. Samuels informed me that Lena has been doing pretty well all things considering. There's no reason to think that this is nothing more than a case of strep throat. But, having said that we do have to be cautious, so I had a nurse draw some blood to run a complete blood panel," Dr. Malone said. "I also took a throat culture. I'm going to have it sent down to the lab. To be on the safe side, I'm going to send Nurse Sophie back in to set up Lena with an IV to give her some fluids to keep her hydrated."

J can't help but wince when Lena squeezes his neck extra tight when Dr. Malone mentions the IV.

"Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to check on those labs. Nurse Sophie will be back in to set up that IV," Dr. Malone says as quickly exits the cubicle.

With the doctor out of ear range, Baz hisses. "Brother?!"

"I'm sorry," J explains. "I couldn't get ahold of you or Smurf and I didn't think they will let her be seen if I said I was her cousin. I figured if I said that I'm her brother that it will have more pull."

Baz runs a hand over his chin. "I guess you're right. It just threw me off. I was going a bit crazy since you called me. I got your message and when I tried calling you back, you didn't pick up. I didn't really know what was going on and the doctor kinda blind sighted me. I didn't expect him to say that."

Didn't expect? More like he didn't want to hear the doctor say that.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I turned it off once the nurse called us back here." J goes to unwrap Lena's skinny arms from his neck. "You want to take her?"

Baz looks at how comfortable Lena is in J's lap. His daughter's body is relaxed and is nearly asleep. "Nah, she's about to fall asleep. You keep her. Let her rest. I'll just sit in the chair."

J nods his head as Baz goes to sit down. The two of them are silent as the only sound in the tiny cubicle is Lena's even breathing as she sleeps. Lena is clearly exhausted as she doesn't even stir when Sophie comes back in to start the IV. She does stir a bit when she feels the pinch of the IV needle, but she quickly falls back asleep. On her way out, Sophie promises that Dr. Malone is finishing up with a patient but will be in momentarily.

Baz is busy looking at something on his phone. With Lena in his lap there's not much J can do but read all the posters that are on the wall. J is reading the poster about the dangers of not getting this year's flu vaccine for the eighth time when Dr. Malone returns.

"Hey, doc." Baz says.

"I'm sorry about that wait gentlemen."

"No problem, so what's going on?" Baz asks.

"Lena does have step throat. Her blood counts are all in the acceptable levels. I went over them with Dr. Samuels. After discussing Lena's condition with your daughter's pediatrician, we have decided to give Lena a transfusion."

"What?" Baz asks.

"But, I thought you said her levels were in the acceptable levels" J asks, squeezing Lena a little closer to him.

"They are. We just want to give her system a little boost," Dr. Malone explains. "We're also going to be giving her a round of IV anti-biotics. Look at this as a bit of a proactive approach. We're trying to give her system a little help in fighting this infection before it grows into something bigger."

"Is she going to have to spend the night?" Baz asks.

Dr. Malone nods his head. "I want to at least keep her for the night. See how she's feeling after the IV and some fluids."

"Okay, do what you think is best." Baz agrees.

Dr. Malone gives them a small smile. "I'll get the paperwork started to get her admitted into the pediatric wing." Before he's about to leave, the physician turns around. "Lena is going to be fine. We got this early and she's a fighter."

"Thanks, Doc." Baz replies.

With the physician gone, Baz turns his attention back to J and his daughter. "Since she's staying for the night, why don't you go home. I'll be here."

J looks at Baz. "You sure? I can…"

"You're not being punished, J." Baz says. "You've been with her all night. I can see that you're exhausted. Go home and get some rest. You're going to need it. When she gets out of her and is feeling better, she's going to be having you watch every animated movie ever made."

"Okay," J says quietly.

Baz gets up from his chair and squeezes the teenager's shoulder. "You did good tonight, J. Thank you."

J nods his head and looks down at Lena, who is still sleeping soundly in his lap. "She's family."

XXXXX

J takes the key out of the ignition. What a day. He spent a good amount of the day sleeping but spending several hours at the hospital is exhausting. He left the house a little under six hours ago and he's just returning home now. He would have been home earlier, but he wanted to wait until Lena as settled in the pedes ward before he left.

He tiredly gets out of the car and starts to make his way towards the door. If he wasn't so tired maybe he would have seen the person standing against the garage.

J stops in his tracks. Maybe he's so tired that he Is sleeping. There's no way that it's him.

"J? We need to talk," the voice says again as a hand reaches out to grab his arm.

J spins around. Sure enough. It's him. "Damien? What are you doing here?" He looks around to see if any of his uncles are around. If anyone is around. No one is. The house is eerily dark except for the lone light by the door that he turned on as he ran out with Lena hours earlier.

"We need to talk," Damien says again, lighting up a cigarette.

"What do you have to talk to me about in the middle of the night?"

Damien leans in close. Too close. "I think you have an idea."

"I didn't say anything," J says defensively.

Damien lets out a puff of smoke. "I know you didn't. I'm here to make sure you don't."

"Why shouldn't I tell Baz know who you are. The type of person he is working with," J says as he looks Damien in the eye. His uncles rob people and have never worked an honest day's work ever. But, they would never do what Damien did.

Damien smirks. "Cuz' you know he won't believe you. I hear the way Baz and your uncles talk about you. They don't want you here. They sure as hell don't want to cut you in on their jobs."

"If you're so sure about that then why are you here?"

Damien takes a puff of his cigarette. "I didn't come here just for reassurance. I also came here to pick up where we left off."

J feels his blood run cold. "Get out. Now."

Damien grabs J by the arm. "Don't be like that, J. I'm all lined up to do a big job with your uncles. Good pay off. If you tell me to leave now, I'm gone for good. And I may just have to go to the cops. Tell them what I know. I know Baz needs the cash. I heard that his kid is sick. It would be too bad that he lost all that cash because you can't do one little thing for me. Or better yet the kid's only parent ends up in jail all because of you. Think about it, J."

J knows that Damien is a master manipulator. He's been manipulated by him countless times when he was a kid. And he knows that Damien is manipulating him now. But, he can't risk Lena's health. Tonight's hospital bill alone is going to be small fortune. Who knows how expensive her future medical expenses are going to get. Baz is going to need to do all the jobs he can. J knows what Damien wants. He can do it this once.

"Fine, just this once." J says. "But, that's it."

Damien laughs. "You got it. This once."

J begins walking towards the garage. "Let's get this over with."

"We're not going in the house?" Damien asks.

J shakes his head as opens the door to the garage. "Nope. This is fine."

"Fine with me," Damien says as he closes the door behind them


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J struggles. Will anyone notice he's sinking?

J sighs as the hot water cascades down his body. He wipes the water and exhaustion from his eyes, though he has better luck with the former. It's been three nights since that night with Damien in the garage, but the memory remains. He's in desperate need of sleep, but his body won't let him. Every time he closes his eyes and is about to drift off to sleep the feel of bruising touches and menacing smirks makes an appearance, pushing away any hope of sleep.

What's even worse is that J has regressed to the same old coping mechanisms that he had when he was younger and things got bad at home. Immersing himself in school work and avoiding home. Over the last couple of days when he is not visiting Lena at the hospital, he has been burying himself in his school work and avoiding home as much as humanly possible. After staying after school to do all his homework, J heads to the hospital to visit his cousin for a bit. She's doing much better, but the doctors want to keep her there for observation. After the hospital, J goes to the beach or library and only heads home way after the sun has set.

School and the excuse of school work has been J's life saver. But, that's not the case today. It's Saturday. Fuck. He hopes his uncles won't be around. Let him rephrase that. He hopes his uncles and Damien won't be around.

"Hey!" Hurry up man! You've been in there for like half an hour already!" Daren calls from the other side of the bathroom door.

Shit. So much for his uncles not being around. If Deran is here, that means Craig probably is too. He just hopes that Damien didn't tag along. Craig and Damien seemed to have gotten pretty tight since the older man has entered the picture.

"Come on, J! Let's go!" Deran yells as he bangs on the door louder.

Alarmed, J looks towards the door and sighs in relief. He remembered to lock it.

"Coming!" J says. Resigned that he can't stay in the shower all day, J turns the water off. He quickly gets dressed.

Sure enough, J is right. Craig is here. He hears his uncle's voice as he nears the kitchen. He hears Smurf's voice as well. Luckily, he doesn't hear Damien's voice, but he wavers on the side of caution so he stops before he enters the kitchen.

"What the hell is he doing in there?!" Deran yells over the juicer.

"Calm down, baby." Smurf soothes as she pops the lid off the juicer. "You want some juice. It's pineapple orange, your favorite."

"He's in there again?" Craig asks. "He took one at like two this morning."

J looks down at his feet. It was closer to three when he passed Craig in the hallway after coming out of the bathroom freshly showered. He needed the shower after waking up drenched in sweat from one helluva of a nightmare. The nightmare. The same nightmare he had when he was younger and Damien was around the first time.

"I thought J is supposed to be so smart. Doesn't he know there's a drought in Cali?" Craig asks

To stop himself from hearing what will no doubt be a smart ass response from his uncle, J decides to bite the bullet and walk into the kitchen.

"Finally!" Deran exclaims as he rushes by J. "It's about damn time!"

Unfazed by her youngest's outburst, Smurf hands J a plate of pancakes and bacon. "Here you go, baby. Blueberry pancakes and extra bacon."

J takes the plate and utters a thank you as he takes a seat at the table, across from Pope. He can't help but feel Pope's eyes on him as he takes a bite of pancake.

"Do you boys have any plans for the day?" Smurf asks as she flips pancakes on the stove.

"Deran and I are going to meet up with Damien. Gonna head down to beach. Get some smurfing in," Craig says.

J has to take a swig of freshly squeezed orange juice to force down the piece of pancake that's lodged in his throat.

"I think that's a great idea," Smurf says. "It's beautiful out."

"What is?" Deran asks as he returns to the kitchen.

"I was just saying how you and I are going to meet up with Damien. Do some surfing," Craig explains.

"How about you, J? Anything planned?" Smurf asks. "Maybe you can go with them. I'm sure they won't mind."

J quickly shakes his head. "Nah, it's okay. I have school work to do."

"School work?" Craig asks confused. "But, it's Saturday."

"Well, you see Craig." Deran begins. "It may be the weekend, but I bet boy wonder here has school work or some project shit to work on."

Craig looks like he's about to say something but then his phone goes off. He looks at and then turns to Deran. "It's Damien. You ready to go?"

Deran nods and turns to J. "You sure you would rather be doing school shit on a Saturday instead of going surfing with us?"

J shakes his head. "Thanks for the invite, but I'm good."

"Suit yourself, loser." Craig jokes as he stands up to follow Deran out.

"Have fun boys!" Smurf calls out. "Dinner's at six! I'm making filet mignon!"

With Craig and Deran gone, J feels like he can breathe a little easier. Even if they are with Damien. At least they're not at the house. He's been living here for months but he still feels like he's walking on eggshells and Damien's reappearance has only made it worse. Damen is right about one thing. His uncles had made it more than clear that they don't want him here.

J looks up from his plate to see Pope staring at him. Jesus.

He stands up from the table with his nearly full plate in hand.

"You're done?" Smurf asks. "You hardly ate anything. I can make you something else if you want. An omelet? French toast?"

"It's okay. I'm not really hungry," J replies as he places his plate in the sink as he turns towards his room. "I got to get going. I have a big project for English I have to start."

They don't need to know it's not due until the end of next week.

"Okay, baby." Smurf answers almost sadly as she starts to load the dishwasher.

He still feels Pope's eyes on him as he exits the kitchen. As he enters the safety of his bedroom he doesn't hear the conversation that's taking place in the kitchen.

"What's going on with him?" Pope asks as he looks down the hall, where J's room is.

Smurf shakes her head. "I have no clue. He's been so off lately. I have no idea what it is. I mean it's not the anniversary of Julia's death. Your and Julia's birthday isn't for another two months."

Pope doesn't answer as he continues looking towards J's room. He doesn't know what's going on with the kid, but something in his gut is telling him it's bad.


	13. Chapter 13

J is making steady progress on his English report. At the rate he's going through the semester's syllabus, he's not going to have much left to do after this month. Damn, he better slow down. He's a good fifty pages into "As I Lay Dying" when he hears Lena's voice coming from down the hall. Genuinely excited to see the kid, J puts down his book. He's been doing school work for close to six hours. He can use a break.

"J!" Lena yells when he enters the living room.

He gives her a shy wave. "Hi, Lena. Are you feeling better?"

Lena nods her head enthusiastically. "Lots!"

J can't help but return the kid's smile when he sees the kid's enthusiasm. It's easy to forget that Lena is sick when she acts like this.

"Daddy got me icecream on our way home. And we got pizza for you and me," Lena says with a smile as she bounces on the balls of her feet. "We got buffalo chicken, your favorite."

Baz bought him his favorite pizza? What the hell? Is hell freezing over? True, there's been a tentative truce between the two of them since the night J rushed Lena to the hospital. Baz isn't being openly hostile to him lately. Not like he was before. He has even been somewhat pleasant to him whenever J has stopped by the hospital to visit Lena. But he has not one out of his way to do something that can be perceived as being nice for J either. That is, not until now.

"You did, huh?" J asks looking over the top of Lena's head to Baz.

"Yep!" Lena says as she pops the p for extra emphasis.

"I didn't do it for no reason," Baz says.

And there it is. Of course he didn't. J should have known better. People never do anything purely out of the goodness of their hearts There's always a hidden motive.

"Do you think you can watch Lena for a bit?" Baz asks almost sheepishly.

J lets out a huge sigh in relief. He can do that. "Sure. How long do you think it will be?"

Baz bites his lip. "Honestly, I really don't know. I've been putting a lot of things off with Lena being in the hospital. So I have a lot to catch up. It might be for a while. Maybe even for the night. I talked to Smurf and she should be home later, so you just have to keep an eye on Lena until she gets home. That okay? I know you have been working on school—"

J shakes his head. "Nah, it's fine. I'll do it."

Baz slaps J on the back. "Thank you, man. I owe you." He turns to Lena. "You'll be good for J and Smurf while I'm gone, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

"Good," Baz says as he leans down to kiss his daughter on the forehead. "I gotta get going. Have fun."

Baz is not even out the door before Lena turns to J. "Come on, J! Let's go watch Trolls!"

"Trolls?" J asks confused. "There's a movie about those creepy looking toys?"

"Uh huh. There's Poppy, Branch, and Smidge. And they sing!" Lena explains animatedly as she pulls him towards the couch. "You're gonna love it!"

J highly doubts that. But, he can't burst the kid's bubble. It's good to see her like this. It's such a huge difference from how the kid was a couple of days ago. Seeing her so sick and listless in the hospital was unnerving. He doesn't want to see her like that again. So if he has to suffer through a couple of hours of singing, fluorescent colored hair 90s toys, so be it.

It doesn't take long to make themselves comfortable as Lena pulls up the movie on Netflix. About twenty minutes in, the exhaustion stemming from the last three sleepless nights seems to catch up with the teenager as he allows Poppy and Branch to lull him into sleep.

"J!" Lena asks laughing. "Did you see that?"

J doesn't say anything so Lena turns towards him and sees that he's sleeping. "J? You awake?" He doesn't respond to her and instead turns his face further into the throw pillow he's laying on. Lena grabs the throw blanket that's on the back of the couch and places it over him, whispering quietly. "Here you go, J."

XXXXX

He makes it through the rest of the movie before the nightmare starts.

"It may have been awhile," Damien says as he buckles his belt. "But, I guess it's like riding a bike. You haven't changed at all, J."

J stares down at his feet as he pulls up his own pants.

"Well, let me take that back," Damien says with a chuckle. "You have changed. You're kinda hot now. Don't get me wrong. You were a cute kid, but also a little goofy looking."

J stands unmoving in the middle of the garage, his eyes still on the ground. He flinches away automatically when he feels Damien's fingers in his hair.

"I missed this so much," Damien says pulling J towards him, his hands now moving to J's hips.

Somehow J is able to find his voice. "This is it. Like I said. A one…one time th…thing."

Damien grips J closer as he leans in to whisper. "We'll see about that."

"J! J! You okay?"

J jerks himself away from the voice that is way too loud. Too close. "Shhh."

"J" the same voice asks again. This time quieter, softer. Definitely not Damien. Curious to see who it is, J opens his eyes slowly to see Lena's worried face staring at him. "Are you okay?"

J rubs his eyes tiredly. "Think so."

"You were moving around a lot and making these funny noises. Were you having another bad dream?"

J nods his head. Shit. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

Lena still looks worried and wrinkles up her noise. "Do bad dreams cause you to sweat a lot? Because you're all sweaty."

J looks down and sees that the kid is right. His shirt is drenched and he can feel his curls sticking to his forehead. He lifts his arms and man does he reek.

"I think I'm going to go hop in the shower," J says as he untangles a blanket from his legs. "You'll be okay for a few minutes while I go shower?"

Lena's attention is already back on the television screen. "Uh huh. I'll pick out something for us to watch.'"

J stands up and heads towards the bathroom. He really needs to get his shit together.

XXXXX

He takes a relatively quick shower. Well, quicker than the ones he's been taking as of late. J is back in the living room twenty minutes later feeling refreshed and much…cleaner. True, he wishes he could have stayed in there a little longer, but he didn't want to worry the kid anymore than she probably already is after witnessing him having another nightmare.

"Hey." J greets as he sits back down on the couch. "What did you pick to watch next?"

"You're back," Lena says turning to him. "Your phone was going off when you were in the shower."

"It was?" J asks as he grabs it off the coffee table. He unlocks his phone to see a couple of texts from an unknown number. What the hell. He's about to delete them but then he reads the first one.

Hey, its Damien

Shit.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J is able to avoid Damien, but that can only last for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating, but I hit a bit of a wall after the last chapter. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I hope it's not too painful for you all. Please be warned that this chapter contains unintentional drug use and implied sexual assault. So proceed accordingly. Please read the tags!

_Hey, its Damien_  


Shit.

J suddenly feels hot. He can feel the flush rising. Sweat is already pooling down his spine. The shower he just took means nothing as the familiar feeling of disgust washes over him.

Panics seizes him. How did Damien get his number? At most his phone has fifteen numbers in it. Those of his family members makes up most of them, as well as a couple of his favorite take out spots.

_Craig gave me your number_

J looks around the room nervously. Is Damien here watching him? It feels like he's inside his head.

_I hope that's ok_

No it's not okay. Nothing about this okay. Damn Craig for giving Damien his number. Why would he do that?

Then again, Craig has no idea about J's past with Damien. He has no clue to Damien's real intention of getting his number. Why would he? Craig and his uncles have no idea about J's past before he moved in with Smurf. Back when they had no contact with each other.

And J had a first row seat seeing how manipulative Damien can be. He probably spurred some lie to have Craig give up J's number and his uncle was none the wiser.

_Lets meet up_

He can feel his heart pounding in his chest. If possible, the flush is even redder. He's not doing…that again. He can't.

Lena lets out a laugh, breaking J's train of thought. He turns to see his cousin laughing at something on the television. Man, he wishes he can he be her age again. Back when things didn't get too bad with his mom. Before he had to step up and be the parent to his mom. Before Damien came into their lives.

His phone dings again. He got another text.

_?_

Lena lets out another laugh and turns to him. "Did you see that, J."

He shakes his head. His noninterest in whatever the girl is watching doesn't seem to faze her as she shrugs her shoulder before she returns to show. His phone goes off again.

_Don't be shy with me now_

Smurf still isn't home and neither are any of his uncles. He doubts Baz will be home tonight. He's probably making up for lost time doing whatever he does when he drops Lena off at Smurf's. With Lena sick, he couldn't really do much in between hospital visits. J has never been more thankful for Baz' inept, bordering on criminally negligent parenting.

**I can't**

_U can't. What do u mean by that_

**I'm baby-sitting**

_So ditch the brat_

J sighs. Partly because Damien can't take the hint. He doesn't want to meet up. He can't put himself in that position again. That time in the garage was a onetime thing. He told Damien that. And more so, he can't see him tonight even if he wanted to. There's no one besides him to watch Lena.

He's also pissed that Damien called Lena a brat. Lena and him only crossed paths a couple of times. He doesn't even know her. And J is going to do everything in his power to keep it that way.

**I can't. No one else is around to watch her**

J looks at his phone anxiously as he sees that Damien's typing a response.

_Fine. Have fun baby-sitting_

J feels the tension instantly leave his body. Damien gave up. At least for now. J tosses his phone aside, not bothering to reply. He turns back to Lena who is fully engrossed with whatever is on the television.

"So what is this about?

XXXXX

It's another Saturday and another day of J doing school work. He's weeks ahead on his English syllabus, so he has turned his attention to chemistry. Anything to keep busy. He has become a constant fixture at the library to the point where he's on a first name basis with the head library, Marta.

Marta is your stereotypical grandmotherly type. Whenever she sees J, she smiles. Her face jovial as she asks him about what book he's currently reading. Laugh lines crease her round, tan face. Her eyes are a deep, cocoa brown that warm when he tells her of his latest grade. She dresses in long skirts and warm cardigans. She brings J cookies and other sweets because he's "muy flaco." She's one of those grandmothers you find on tv or in the movies. And everything that Smurf isn't. She's just what J needs right now.

The library has pretty much become a second home to J so he was disheartened when Marta informed him that the library will be closed on the weekends for the next two months for renovations. Now, J has nowhere to go on the weekends.

And even worse, Baz has taken Lena out of town for the weekend to go down to Mexico for an overdue father and daughter getaway. He's glad that Baz is finally acting like a father. At least for the weekend, but J is a little lost with his change out of the country. With Lena away (and not leading a baby-sitter) and the library closed, J's on edge. He feels like he's walking on eggshells. He has nowhere to hide. So yes, he's working on his chemistry syllabus, but he's not making much headway.

He's just about to give up and go get something to eat when his phone rings. It's Nicky. He ignores it. He can't deal with her right now. Or more accurately, he can't deal with her and Craig. And he's pretty sure that she's with his uncle right now. She calls again three more times in less than five minutes. On the fifth attempt, he picks up. He knows her. Knows that she won't give up. If he wants any semblance of peace, he needs to at least talk to her.

"What is it Nick?"

" _Hi to you too, Jaaaaaay."_

She's loud and she's slurring, Great she's drunk or high. Probably both.

"Hi, Nicky. What do you want?"

" _Come over to Craig's!"_

"Nah, I'm going to stay home. I got that lab report to do." She doesn't need to know which one. And the last thing he wants to do is deal with a drunk/high Nicky. Especially not with him sober.

" _It's Saturday, J. Come on! Come and have some fun. We never hang out anymore."_

Yeah, not since you started screwing my uncle.

"I'm going to pass Nicky."

" _Noooo! Craig got some Mamont vodka from some buddy name Sascha. That stuff you like."_

Damn it. Of course Nicky would remember his one weakness when it came to booze. He's not a huge drinker, but he does like vodka. Probably because his mother hated the stuff. He never had to worry about her drinking his stash. And Mamont is some good shit. Expensive. So he doesn't drink it that much.

And he does like hanging out with Nicky. He misses her. Craig isn't too bad most of the time. He looks at his chemistry textbook. He isn't retaining anything. He can use a break anyway. What the hell.

"Fine, I'll be over in 30."

XXXXX

Nicky greets him with a drink in the doorway to Craig's place.

"I'm so glad you came!" Nicky says hugging him close, nearly spilling the drink on him. Yep, she's hammered.

J laughs and grabs the drink. "Looks like you guys started without me."

"Well you're the one doing homework on the weekend," Craig says from the couch. "I never would have guessed that Julia's kid would have turned out to be such a nerd."

A loud crash comes from the kitchen.

"What the fuck man!" Craig says standing up.

"Sorry!" a voice calls out. "I dropped my beer."

J starts coughing when he hears the voice.

"Oh. Hi, J." Damien says from the kitchen's doorway. "I didn't know you were here."

"He just got here," Nicky says as she wraps her arm around Craig. "He's finally taking a break from his homework."

"And from being Lena's manny," Craig adds, laughing at his own little joke. He pulls Nicky onto the couch. Several lines of coke are lined up on the coffee table in front of them. "Let's do this."

Nicky and Craig both do their lines. Craig motions to Damien. He knows better than to offer one to J. But Damien doesn't know about J's aversion to drugs. Or maybe he just feels like being an asshole.

"Go ahead," Damien offers as he stands by the teenager.

J shakes his head as Nicky answers for him. "He doesn't do the stuff. Just sticks to drinking, Won't even touch pot."

Damien gives him a crooked smirk. "Julia really fucked you up, huh?"

J just takes a sip of his drink. A small sip. He doesn't want to get drunk. Not with Damien around. He needs to have his wits about him. It takes all his willpower not to just turn around and leave, but he doesn't want to listen to Nicki bitch that she bailed on him. He'll be okay. He'll have one drink and will come up with some excuse to go home.

"Suit yourself. More for the rest of us," Damien says before he takes the line. And then quickly follows it up with another one.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Craig yells way louder than he has too. "Let's get this shit started."

"Speaking of getting things started, I have something for you," Nicky says standing up. Motioning for Craig to follow her to his bedroom.

He follows her. "We'll be right back!"

With just J and Damien in the living room, the older man takes advantage of the absence of any prying eyes and ears. He leans in close. Too close. "I missed you, J."

Maybe it was the drink he's currently nursing or the fact that he's no longer the little boy that Damien once knew, but he feels a little brave at the moment. "Why are you texting me. I told you it was a onetime thing."

Damien's coked out, enlarged pupils stare back at him. "We both know that wasn't going to happen. I hold all the cards here. What do you think you're going to do? Tell your uncles that big meanie Damien paid attention to you. Took care of you when no one else did. Not even your own mother. They don't give a shit about you. You're only here because you called them after your whore mother OD'ed. If you didn't call them, you would be out on the streets. Using that pretty mouth of yours to get by," Damien winks.

Whatever fight that momentarily took over J is gone as the older man continues. "They never gave a shit about you when you were a kid. They didn't care that while they were eating steak and lobster at Smurf's house, you were eating peanut butter and bologna on moldy bread. They sure as hell wasn't there when you were puking your guts out and running a 103 degree fever for two days because you had appendicitis and your useless for shit mother was too high to know that there was something wrong with her kid. That you were dying on the bathroom floor while she was in the next room with a needle in her arm. They weren't there, but I was. I was the one who got you to the hospital in the nick of time. I'm the one who saved your life."

J swallows painfully at the unwelcomed memory. He was only nine when the stomach pains and vomiting started. He thought it was another stomach flu, so he did what he normally did when he was sick. He treated it himself Drank lots of water and took two children's Tylenol every four to six hours. But things didn't get better. The pain got worse. The fever got higher. The vomiting didn't stop. While his mother was in a drugged daze, he was nearly unconscious on the bathroom floor when Damien found him. Damien picked him up, despite J's flinching and whimpering, and rushed him to the nearest hospital. Appendicitis was quickly diagnosed, his appendix already ruptured. Early signs of peritonitis was beginning to set in as he was raced to surgery. It was the one good thing Damien ever did for him. And he made sure that J was reminded of his good deed on a consistent basis. J lost track of how many times Damien said "If it wasn't for me, you would have died. You owe me."

"They didn't care about you then and they sure as hell don't care about you now. They don't care about what happens to you. Remember that. So this," Damien points to the two of them. "isn't over until I say it is."

"Don't, don't," J stutters.

"Don't, don't," Damien mimics cruelly.

"Yeah, don't what?" Craig says returning to the living room with Nicki on his heels.

Damien turns to Craig. "J is saying he wants to leave."

"Come on, J!" Nicky says walking over to her ex-boyfriend. "You just got here."

"Yeah, you're a Cody. It's about time you start acting like it," Craig adds. "We have a reputation to uphold."

"Plllllease," Nicky begs. "It's Saturday night. What else are you going to do? Go home and read another book on your AP English syllabus?"

She's right. If he goes home all he's going to do in end up doing homework. That is if he can. Damien has definitely gotten into his head. If he goes home, he's going to be mulling over what Damien said for the rest of the night. He fears that Damien is at least partially right. He know his family didn't care about him when he was a kid. That much was obvious. Do they now? Baz definitely doesn't. He made that perfectly clear on more than one occasion.

"Hellllo!" Nicky says elbowing J playfully in the ribs. "You staying?"

He looks at Nickiy. She looks genuinely happy to see him. And Damien would not be stupid enough to try anything around other people. He has always worked in the shadows. "Yeah, I'll stay."

"Awesome," Craig says holding up his beer. "Let's get shitty."

J quickly holds up his own glass. "Cheers!"

XXXXX

"- he okay?"

J feels a light touch on his neck. He wants to move but he can't. He hurts. His head. His stomach. His whole body.

"He's barely breathing."

He's not breathing? Shit.

"How much did he drink?" A nearby voice asks.

"- asking me? I can't remember shit after that last line of coke."

"Last thing I remember is playing Cards Against Humanity."

J vaguely remembers that. Was that before or after Drunken Jenga?

"He didn't take anything, right?" A slightly frazzled Nicky asks.

"I don't think so," a male voice responds. Maybe Craig?

"You don't think so? Come on, Craig!" Nicky screeches as an invisible knife cuts through his skull. He thinks he moans but he's not sure. He's afraid that if he moves, every ache is going to make itself known.

"I can't say for sure, but you know he doesn't touch the shit. Not with his history."

"What do we do?" Nicky asks.

"Let him sleep it off."

That sounds good to J. He closes his eyes as he lets the pull of sleep beckon him.

XXXXX

The next time he wakes, he feels better. Not great, but definitely better then before. His headache is still there, but not nearly as debilitating as before. He cautiously sits up but stops when the movement causes a sharp pain in his lower back.

"Hey, look who's up?!" Nicky calls out.

J jerks at the girl's loud voice and then flinches when that pain throbs again. What the fuck?"

"We were getting worried about you," Nicky says as she sits down across from J on the coffee table.

"You were?" J mumbles.

Nicky rolls her eyes "Hell yeah. You passed out cold last night. Barely moved at all. You didn't even move when the pizza guy came."

"We ate pizza?"

"Well, we did. You were out."

J rubs his forehead tiredly. "Wha' time is it?"

"It's two. You slept like half the day away."

"I did?" J asks.

Nicky smiles. "Yeah. But we had fun last night. So it was worth it. I didn't know you could do an English accent so well."

"I did that?" J asks confused.

Nicky rolls her eyes again. "Yeah, remember you started doing it when we were playing quarters."

Quarters. Him talking in an English accent. He doesn't remember shit.

"Wow, you really don't remember much do you?"

J shakes his head but stops when he begins to feel nauseous.

"Not surprised. I haven't seen you that drunk in a while. If ever."

J looks down as he tries to get his stomach under control. What the hell? He's only wearing his undershirt. Where is the black shirt he was wearing last night?

"You spilt your drink. Remember?" Nicky says. She must have picked up on her confusion.

Foggy memories come back in pieces. Cards Against Humanity. Damien whispering in his ear while Craig and Nicky were in the kitchen. His cup was always fill, never empty as Nicki and then Damien poured him drinks. Damien. Damien always nearby. Him tripping and Damien helping him to the couch.

"You really are a mess, huh? Is there anything I can do? Get you some water? Tylenol?"

J shakes his head. He wants to go home. To his own bed.

"I'm just going to go home. Get some sleep."

"Okay," Nicky agrees. "You want me to give you a ride?"

J shakes his head. He doesn't want to be around anyone. He wants to be alone. He looks around for his phone but can't find it.

"Is this what you're looking for?" Nicky asks holding up his phone.

He takes it from her. "Thanks."

"No problem."

J opens his phone to see a text from Damien. Not just a text but also a picture of the two of them. It was clearly from last night. The older man's pupils are impossibly large. They're both on Craig's couch. J is dead to the world, his face pale. Damien has his arm wrapped possessively around him as he smiles at the phone.

_Had a great time last night. So glad that Nicky and Craig passed out to give us some alone time._


	15. Reprieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As J tries to deal with what has recently happened, he gets a little reprieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you who are reading and reviewing this. You guys really are the reason why I'm continuing this. Anyways, here's a little fluff. I think that J needs some after last chapter.

J is on auto-pilot as he drives home from Craig's apartment. He mumbles a greeting to Smurf when he passes her on the way to the bathroom. Once he's showered, J collapses into bed. Letting the bone deep exhaustion take a firm hold.

But even though he's tired, he can't let himself fall asleep. Whenever he's about to nod off, he jerks awake. He looks to the door in alarm, but every time he does, it's the same. To his relief, Damien isn't there, no one is. It's his mind playing tricks on him.

So instead he just lays there in the dark. Trying to forget what he knows happened the night before even though he can't remember it.

"Baby?" Smurf calls from the doorway. "You awake?"

J doesn't want to deal with Smurf right now so he remains silent, unmoving. Maybe she'll take the hint.

But of course she doesn't. He can hear her light footsteps move closer to his bed. He has to resist the urge to roll away from her when she sits down on his bed. "You okay, baby? It's late. You've been in bed all day."

He buries his head further into his pillow when her hand touches his forehead. "You feel warm. You coming down with something?"

J can't bring himself to speak. It takes too much effort so he settles with shrugging his shoulders.

"Want me to get you something? I can warm up some soup for you. Make you a grilled cheese?"

He hasn't eaten anything in nearly twenty-four hours but that doesn't stop the stomach acid from churning in his gut. "Not hungry."

Smurf pulls his covers up to his shoulders. "Okay, baby. I'll check on you in a bit to see how you're feeling. Let me know if you need anything."

J nods as Smurf finally leaves his room. He can hear her talking to someone outside his bedroom door, but he's too tired. Too numb to care who it is. He closes his eyes in hopes that his body will relax enough to allow him to get some sleep.

XXXXX

Even though he shoulders on through the next day of school, it's a welcome reprieve. He's not at home where he is subjected to Smurf's mother-henning and Pope's intense, scary silence. He's also been able to dodge Nicky for most of the day. It helps that they are only in one class together, economics, and because of the school's block schedule they don't have C block today.

It's the end of the school day, J's at his locker when his phone rings. His phone doesn't ring all that often. He's surprised to see that it's Baz who is calling him. Is everything okay?

"Hi…"

_"Hey, J. You d_ o _ne with school?_ "

"Getting ready to leave now."

" _You have plans?_ "

J doesn't have anything big going on. Truth be told his sole plan for the afternoon was to head over to the library to work on his AP European paper on The Seekers that's due in a couple of weeks.

"Nothing too important. Why? What's up? Everything okay with Lena?"

_"J, slow down._ _Everything is fine. But I am calling about Lena._   _Is_ _there any way you can pick her up from school and watch her for a couple of hours? I have to take car_ e _of some things and Smurf is collecting rent."_

"Yeah, I can do it." J agrees almost a little too qucikly. He'll welcome anything that may keep his mind busy.

_"Thanks, man. I'll call the school and let them know you're picking her up. School's out at 3._ "

"Okay, no problem." J says before ending the call. He sags against his locker tiredly. Maybe entertaining Lena for a couple of hours will keep his mind occupied. Stop him from everything that's going on.

XXXXX

"J!" Lena yells as she comes running out of the school. "You're picking me up?"

J smiles shyly. "Your dad asked me to pick you up. He had some work to do. Come on, let's go."

"Where are we going? We going to get ice cream?" Lena asks as J opens the truck door for her.

J grimaces when she mentions ice cream. His stomach is still a mess. "Let's wait a bit on the sugar high."

"So what are we going to do?" Lena asks eagerly as she buckles her seatbelt.

J thinks for a few seconds. He doesn't feel like going home yet. He really doesn't have the energy to deal with any of his uncles or even Nicky. Or worse, what if Damien was there tagging along with one of his uncles. And they can't go to the beach. They're not exactly dressed in beach attire. They would have to go home and change first. Which he definitely does not want to do. So the beach is out the window, So where to then…

"One of my favorite places." J says as he starts up the truck.

XXXXX

"J!" Marta greets from the circulation desk.

"Hi, Marta." J returns. "Good to see you."

"You too. And who is this?" Marta asks motioning to Lena.

"This is my cousin, Lena. Lena this is Marta." J introduces the two.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Lena." Marta says with a friendly smile before turning to J. "So what can I do for you today?"

J takes out three large books from his backpack and places them on the desk. "I'm returning these."

"You read those?" Lena asks, her eyes widen when she sees the thick books.

Marta laughs. "Your cousin is quite the reader. What do you like to read, Lena?"

Lena shrugs her shoulders. "I'm not really into books."

Marta waves her off. "Aww, that just means you haven't found the right book yet. What was the last book you read that you really liked?"

Lena thinks for a few seconds before answering. "J read me The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane. It was sooo good. Edward was really mean in the beginning but then he became nice."

Marta nods. "Kate Dicamillo. She's a wonderful author. I suggest Because of Winn Dixie. I'm sure J can help you find it."

"Can you, J?" Lena asks turning to him.

"Sure, Lena."

"Thanks, Marta." Lena says as she tries to pull J towards the children's section.

"Oh wait," Marta says as she hands them each a small bundle wrapped in cellophane. "I made some polvorones over the weekend. Here."

"Thanks!" Lena says already tearing into the cookies.

"Marta, you didn't have to." J says.

"Shush, J. I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. And that recipe makes so many and you need to eat more. You're way too skinny."

"These are really good!" Lena says with a smile laced with confectionary sugar.

Marta and J both laugh. Marta hands Lena a napkin. "Careful, chica. You're going to get me fired." Marta admonishes the girl, but there is no heat in her voice.

"Thanks, Marta." Lena says wiping her face.

"Yes, thank you, Marta. I'll save them for later," J says. He'll give them to Lena later. He feels bad lying to the librarian but just the thought of putting something in his stomach is making him queasy.

"Come on, J." Lena pulls at him. "Help me find some good books to read."

Marta laughs as Lena pulls him away from the circulation desk. He takes comfort in the present. He tells himself that its Lena's childish, enthusiastic voice reading various names of children's books and not Damien whispering at him to keep his mouth shut. He reminds himself that it's Lena's small hand on him arm and not Damien's bruising grip. That he's in the library picking out books with Lena and not back at Craig's apartment. That this is a reprieve from the clusterfuck that his life has become


	16. Awkward Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dinner at the Cody house turns awkward real quick..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : Hey all! I’ve been reading spoilers for the upcoming season of Animal Kingdom and it looks like it’s going to be a great season. In the meantime, to help hold us over until the season premiere, here’s the next chapter. Enjoy!

The rest of the week goes by without any issues. Ever since that party at Craig’s the weekend before, Damien hasn’t been around and J hasn’t heard from him either. 

Even though J hasn’t seen or heard from Damien in close to a week, he’s still hypervigilant. He knows from past experiences that Damien can and will pop up at any time. That’s why he’s still maintaining his routine of staying busy with school work and avoiding home as much as possible, while also not tipping off Smurf that something is going on.

It’s a little after seven when J walks into the kitchen. He can hear Baz and Craig laughing from the other room. 

“J!” Smurf greets. “Dinner will be ready in five. Go wash up.”

“Thanks, but I ate,” J replies. The lie rolling smoothly off his tongue, like it’s nothing. Maybe his family is wearing off on him.

“Smurf made chicken piccata,” Lena says from her spot at the kitchen island. “Isn’t it your favorite?”

It is. And damn Lena for remembering. He loves chicken piccata and he can feel his mouth watering as he takes in the aroma of the lemon sauce. But it’s been a long week and he doesn’t know if he has the energy to sit through an awkward meal with his uncles and grandmother, trying to act like a wholesome American family, when they are in fact anything but. Even if it his favorite meal is being served.

“There you have it,” Smurf says. “Go wash up, J. Lena, put away your homework and help set the table.”

Knowing there’s no sense in arguing, J gives in and goes to wash up. When he returns to the table, Lena, Smurf, and all of his uncles are already sitting down. He swallows thickly when he sees the generous helpings of chicken and pasta on his plate.

Dinner is pretty uneventful. Craig and Deran talking about the surf. Baz mentioning something about his latest trip to Mexico. Lena talking about an upcoming project in science class. Pope doesn’t say a word as he eats his dinner. J tries to eat, he really does. But he can’t. Everything tastes like cardboard, so he resorts to pushing his dinner around his plate.

“You don’t like it, J?” Lena asks from her seat besides him. 

“I’m just not that hungry,” J says as he pushes a piece of chicken to the edge of his plate.

“Did Marta give you more cookies?” Lena asks.

J shakes his head. “She didn’t. I’m just not that hungry tonight.”

“Who’s Marta?” Smurf asks from her seat at the head of the table.

“She’s a librarian,” Lena says excitedly. “She works at the library that J goes to. He took me the day he picked me up from school. She helped me pick out a new book to read. And she gave us cookies.”

Smurf nods. Her lips are in a tight line. She’s clearly not happy about Marta’s presence in her grandchildren’s lives. “She sounds nice.”

The words looked like they were painful for her to say. 

“You go to the library?” Craig asks around a mouthful of food. “I didn’t know they even have those still. Isn’t everything online? You’re such a nerd.” 

“Craig, stop.” Baz interjects holding out his hand. It seems like Baz wants to say more. Probably wants to tell Craig that it’s a good thing that J is still portraying the studious school boy image by day, while planning and carrying out elaborate heists by night with his uncles. But Lena’s presence stops Baz from saying all that.

“J is not a nerd,” Lena says coming to the teenager’s defense.

“That’s not what I heard,” Craig says as he takes a sip of his beer.

“Why do you say that?” Smurf asks.

Craig turns to his nephew. “Is it true that you set a Twinkie on fire when you were a kid?”

J looks up from his plate. What the hell is Craig talking about? “Wh-what?”

“Damien told Deran and me that you lit a twinkle on fire in the bathroom sink,” Craig explains.

“You lit a twinkle on fire?!” Lena asks. “What happened?”

J bites his lip as he recalls the failed twinkle experiment. “It didn’t catch on fire. It just smoked. A lot.”

In fact it smoked so much that it set the apartment’s smoke detector off. Which in turn pissed the landlord off and led to a heated exchange between Mr. Guzman and his mother. And then to his mother getting loaded that night as they were forced to vacate their apartment, Damien was not happy about having to find new living arrangements either. Needless to say after the whole twinkie incident, J learned to keep his science curiosity within school walls.

“That sounds so cool!” Lena says as she takes a bit of spaghetti. “What do you think will happen if you light a yodel on fire?”

“Don’t get any ideas, Lena.” Baz says as he opens another beer. “So does Damien have any other good stories of J when he was a kid?”

Yep, J is definitely done eating as he sets down his fork. Dread fills his stomach at the mere thought of what Damien could tell his uncles.

Craig shrugs. “I just heard that one.”

Oh thank fuck.

“Invite him over for dinner,” Smurf says.

What?! No!

“You sure?” Deran asks.

Smurf nods. “Why not? Any friend of you boys is welcomed here any time.”

“So was he Julia’s dealer?” Pope asks, speaking for the first time since dinner started. 

“Pope!” Smurf admonishes as she tilts her head in Lena’s direction. “Not at the dinner table.”

“What, sorry. I’m just saying what we’re all thinking. Julia was an addict. It’s not like she kept with the best company. Remember Maty Lopez? Tommy Sullivan? Hell, J doesn’t even know who his father is!”

“Pope! Stop!” Baz tries to cut in.

“I just want to know if Damien was her knight in shining armor or her poison,” Pope finishes.

More like the monster that hides in plain sight, J thinks as he fixes his gaze on the table.

“J and Lena,” Smurf says. “Why don’t you guys go watch some tv, while we clean up. After we’re done cleaning up, we’ll have some cherry cobbler for dessert. How does that sound?”

Anything other than this dinner from hell sounds good. 

“Can you read me a chapter of Because of Winn Dixie, J?” Lena asks with her puppy eyes.

J nods . “Yeah…okay…”

“Come on,” Lena says as she gets up and pushes her chair in. “I want to find out what the preacher is going to tell Opal about her mom. I’ll get the book from my book bag.”

“Okay,” J says as he pushes his own chair and follows his cousin out of the kitchen.

“Have fun!” Smurf calls out as her grandchildren make their exit. When she can no longer see them, she throws her napkin on the table. “What the hell is wrong with you, Pope! Going off like that right at the dinner table. In front of Lena!”

“Well, in his defense it’s not like J never heard it before.” Deran says.

“That’s not the point,” Baz says. “He didn’t need to hear about what a mess Julia was over dinner. And Lena sure as hell didn’t need to hear about it.”

Craig turns to his brother. “Yeah, why did you do that?”

“There’s something about Damien that just rubs me the wrong way. He was around years ago and then vanishes. Then he shows back up again out of the blue and we find out that he was with Julia. Why Julia?” Pope says as he gets up to get another beer. “And I don’t know if you guys noticed, but something has the kid spooked.”

They all look towards the living room, where Lena and J are.

“Whatcha thinking?” Baz asks with genuine concern in his voice.

Pope shakes his head. “ I don’t know. But something just tells me there’s something going on with J. He’s off. Quiet.”

“Yeah, but he’s always been quiet.” Craig says.

“He’s been drinking more lately,” Baz adds.

“He’s a Cody,” Deran retorts. 

Pope takes a sip pf beer. “He’s more quiet than usual. He’s staying away from home. All this shit started when Damien showed up. I say we cut ties with Damien. I mean what do we really know about this guy.”

“What?!” Craig says. “We’re almost ready to go with that dispensary job. We can’t cut him out now.”

“Can you guys do it without him?” Smurf asks. 

“We can, but it’ll be risky.” Baz says playing with the label on his beer bottle. “Too risky.”

“And we can’t afford risks so soon after the base job,” Craig says.

“Okay, so we can’t cut him out. What do we do?” Baz asks.

Silence fills the kitchen as Smurf rinses off the dinner plates. Several moments goes by before she speaks. “I want to find out everything we can about Damien. What was he up to when he was with Julia and J. Why he left them. When his and Julia’s anniversary was. Their favorite dive bar. I want to know everything. Everything,” Smurf says as she begins loading the dishwasher. “The dispensary job is off until we  
know every skeleton in Damien’s closet.”

“I’ll make a call to Peter. Get him on it,” Baz says.

“Anything else?” Craig asks.

“Yeah, my invitation still stands. Invite Damien over for dinner. I want to get to know him better.” Smurf says as she begins packaging up leftovers. 

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Deran asks as he brings several empty beer bottles over to the counter.

Smurf gives him a smirk. “I think it’s a great idea.”

XXXXX

“Why do you think Opal’s mom left her?” Lena asks as J marks the spot where he stopped reading.

J looks up from the book. “You heard the preacher. She liked to drink. She was probably an alcoholic. Sometimes parents are afraid they can’t be good parents if they drink, so they leave because they think that their kids will be better off without them,” J says.

“Well, why couldn’t her mom just stop drinking?”

J frowns. “It’s not that easy, Lee. Sometimes they can’t. It’s sickness. They want to stop but they can’t.”

“Is that what was wrong with your mom?” Lena asks, biting her lip. “Pope called her an addict. Haley at school said her aunt is an addict.”

J nods sadly. “Yeah, my mom was an addict. She tried to get better. Tried a bunch of times. But, she just couldn’t.”

And she did. She tried to stop so many times, but it never lasted long. No matter how much J cried and begged, the pull was too strong and she would soon go back to using. He knows that it’s not that his mother didn’t love him, the addiction just had that much of a hold on her.

“I’m sorry,” Lena says quietly as she inches closer to J.

“Sorry for what?” J asks, eyebrow raised in confusion.

“I’m sorry that your mom was sick and died. And I’m really sorry that Uncle Pope and Craig talked like that about her and you. That was mean.”

“It’s okay, Lee.” J replies. He doesn’t say that it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before. That he’s heard way worse.

“Are you sad that you’re living here and not with your mom?” Lena asks.

“Sometimes, I’m sad. But it’s not all the time. A lot of good things have happened since I started living here.”

Like three meals a day. A place to live that’s not roach infested. Shoes that are not worn down to the soles. 

“And I got to meet you,” J adds.

“You did!” Lena says.

“Yeah, I mean who else would I have been able to read The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane and Because of Winn Dixie to?”

“Thanks for reading to me, J.” 

“No problem.”

“Lena! J! Dessert!” Smurf calls from the kitchen. “Come on!”

“Come on, J!” Lena says standing up and pulling J off the couch. “Let’s go.”

J gives in and lets Lena lead him back to the kitchen. Hopefully, dessert goes better than dinner did.


	17. Maneuvers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J is taking one day at a time, as Damien begins to make some moves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry once again for the lack of update. I started a new job last month so basically, I have no writing time during the week. But have no fear, I have no plans to abandon this baby. Updates may be sporadically but they're still coming.

J waits patiently in the student pick up line at Lena's school, slowly moving forward as the line allows. Lena smiles as she gets in the car quickly once he gets to the designated pick up area. She appears happy but not surprised to see him picking her up instead of Baz or Smurf. But then again this is not a surprise. Baz asked him last night if he could pick up Lena.

"Hey, Lena." J greets. "How was school?"

"Ugggh," Lena replies as she buckles her seat belt. Her smile gone.

"I know what you mean," J says.

True, he does do well in school. Always has. But he's not exactly a fan. He saw it as a reprieve when he was younger. A welcome getaway from his tough life at home with his mom. And even though his mom is no longer alive, he still finds comfort inside the school's walls. The routine. The escape from what's going on at home. The comfort from the monotony.

"I have to do a stupid report on an animal in my science class. And I got the sea otter. I don't want to do my report on a stupid sea otter, I wanted to do mine on the sea turtle, but stupid Sawyer picked it," Lena sighs as she leans back against the seat.

"That doesn't sound too bad," J says. "You'll find lots of stuff about sea otters."

Lena shakes her head. "You don't get it. It's not one of those kinds of reports."

Not one of those kind reports? What other kind of reports are there?

"I have to write it from the point of view of the animal. Like talk about them as if you're one of them," Lena explains in a huff. "How do I know how a sea otter feels? Or how much they like fish. I hate fish."

J shakes his head. He never had to do a report like that when he was Lena's age. Then again he didn't exactly go to the best schools when he was younger. His lessons were never very thought provoking or creative. They basically centered around regurgitation of facts.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out," J says reassuringly.

"Will you help me?" Lena asks, batting her puppy eyes at him.

Yeah, he walked into that one.

"Please, J. You're my favorite cousin."

"I'm your only cousin."

Lena shrugs. "Oh yeah you are."

Check mate.

"Pleassssse help me, J. My mom used to always be the one who helped me with school and now she's not…here.," Lena trails off. "And daddy isn't a good homework helper."

The kid is good. Pulling out her missing mother card.

"Fine, I'll help you. Anything else?"

Lena gives him the biggest smile. "Icecream?"

J shakes his head. "You're spoiled."

Lena doesn't argue with that as J drives towards their favorite icecream place.

"You better not tell Smurf that we're eating dessert before dinner."

**XXXXX**

Deran dries a pint glass as he stands behind the bar. It's an okay day business wise. There's about 10 or so people scattered throughout the bar, but it' still early. Happy Hour has just started.

"Dare! Can I have another?"

Deran looks up when he hears Damien calling from the end of the bar. He doesn't know how he exactly feels about Damien. He knows that Pope is not a fan. But that could be because of Damien's relationship with Julia. When it comes to Julia, Pope gets a little strange which explains his complicated relationship with Baz.

Baz seems a little weary of Damien. But then again it could also be because of Julia. Baz always had a soft spot when it came to Deran's sister. But he doesn't seem openly hostile to Damien like Pope does. Then again, he does have his plate full at the moment with Catherine gone and trying to raise Lena on his own.

Smurf's guard is up. But that's the case with Smurf whenever someone who isn't family is around.

Damien's appearance does not seem to bother Craig one way or the other. But that's no real surprise. Craig's main priority is where he can find the next party or hook up.

For Deran, Damien is a paying customer at his bar and that trumps his brothers and mother's paranoia any day.

"Yeah man, here you go." Deran says as she places a beer in front of the older man who is typing away on his phone.

"Deran! You're here!" Craig calls out as he rushes into the bar.

"Where else would I be?" Deran asks as he pours his brother his usual shot.

Craig quickly downs the shot. Now that he's closer, Deran can see his brother is sporting an impressive black eye. "I need your help."

Shit. Craig needing his help is never a good thing.

"What did you do now?"

Craig motions for him to pour him another shot. "I'm in a bit of a bind. I need some cash fast. Can you lend it to me?"

"How much?"

"Five grand."

"Jesus, Craig!" Deran yells but stops when he sees his few customers looking over at them. "What for? Let me guess it has something to do with your eye."

"You don't want to know. I just need some cash. Do you have it?"

Deran shakes his head. "I only have like 2 grand to give you.'

"Fuck!" Craig curses, running his hand through his hair.

"Hey, guys." Damien says walking over to them. "I couldn't help but overhearing. Sounds like you need some quick cash."

"I don't, he does." Deran says pointing to his brother.

Damien nods. "Well, I've had this job lined up for a while. A jewelry place over on Elmwood. But I had to wait because I need some help to pull it off. You guys want to hear about it?"

Deran looks at Craig. He's not too sure about this. Smurf told them to wait on the dispensary job because of her reservations about Damien.

"I just thought I would offer my help. I mean, I wouldn't want to stay on the bad side of Juan Carlos."

"Juan Carlos?!" Deran whispers loudly. "Jesus, Craig! You got lucky with that black eye."

Juan Carlos is one of the biggest drug dealers in the county. The type of guy when you see him on the street, you crossed to the other side to make sure to stay out of his way. The type of guy you don't want anything do with and in their line of work that's saying a lot.

"Why don't I let you guys talk my offer over. If you guys are interested, you know where to find me." Damien says as he returns to his original seat.

Craig turns to his brother, "I think we should do it."

"Of course you do. You owe Juan Carlos five grand and you need the cash. You can't go to Smurf because she'll ask too many questions."

"Come on, Deran. Help me out here."

Deran bites his lip. "I don't know. Smurf was pretty clear that she didn't want us to be working with him. She's going to be pissed if she finds out."

When she finds out.

Craig nods. "Probably but I would rather be around to deal with a pissed off Smurf than dumped in the Pacific."

"Fine, but if she finds out it's on you." Deran says.

"Fine," Craig answers quickly. "I'll take the beating."

"Damn right you are."

Craig rolls his eyes as the two of them make their way down to Damien.

"Boys," Damien says putting his phone down. "How can I help you?"

"Tell us more about this job opportunity," Craig says.

**XXXXX**

"So then I told Becca that I didn't care about not getting invited to Lilly's birthday party," Lena says around spoonfuls of cake batter icecream.

Lena might say it doesn't matter that she wasn't invited to her classmate's birthday party, but her sad eyes say differently. J understands how she feels. He's never had a lot of friends growing up and the only parties he went to was the ones he accompanied Nicky to.

He really doesn't know what to say to Lena to make her feel better. Luckily, he's saved from having to tell her all too unrealistic platitudes, such as 'everything is going to be fine' and 'you'll find a friend who is as special as you are' when his cell phone goes off alerting him that he has a text.

The cone of razzmanian devil that he has just finished eating minutes ago churns in his stomach when he sees who the message is from. Damien. Fuck.

**Hey**

Three little letters send him into a tailspin. It's been weeks since Craig's party and since he's heard a peep from Damien, but the anxiety and fear he felt when he first got that text the morning after, is back with a vengeance.

"J? Are you okay?" Lena asks. Her eyes wide with uncertainty.

Another text comes in.

**Its been awhile. Need to see u**

"What's wrong?" Lena asks, voice cracking.

He knows Lena is talking to him. He can hear her faintly, but his attention is on his phone. Watching the three little bouncing dots that tell him Damien is typing.

**Might be doing a job with your uncles. We'll meet up later. I'll txt u.**

Damien is pulling a job with his uncles? From what he's heard the dispensary job is off for the time being. So what are they up to? Why didn't they say anything to him?

He really shouldn't be surprised. Damien might have pointed out the obvious, but J has already known his uncles don't want him around. They've made that perfectly clear. And this is just another example of that. He will always be an outsider in his own family.

"J?" A small voice calls.

J's attention is brought back to the cousin who is standing mere feet from him. "Sorry, Lena. What were you saying?"

"Are…" Lena starts but stops. "I was going to ask if we can go to the beach for a little bit before we go home."

Beach. Not home. Not where he can run into his uncles or Damien. Sounds good. J shakily nods his head. "Yeah, we can do that."

Lena gives him another smile as she grabs J's hand. "Awesome."

J can't help but flinch when he feels Lena grab his hand. She either doesn't see it or pretends she doesn't as they continue walking towards the beach.


	18. Reality Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J gets a reality check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please take my warnings with this chapter. This is a rough one. Sexual abuse, sexual coercion, and threat of child sexual abuse is implied/depicted. Please turn away now if this is triggery for you. I'm really nervous about posting this because I have never written something like this before, so please be kind and please mind the warnings and tags.

Picking up Lena from school was only part of the plan when Baz asked Smurf and J to look after Lena the night before. Baz had "business" to tend to down in Mexico for a couple of days, so Lena would be staying over the house until her father got back. J forgot about that when Damien texted him earlier.

After returning home from the beach, they ate a meticulously prepared dinner by Smurf. J tried to eat, but Damien's earlier texts ruined J's appetite. His generous helping of penna alla vodka went virtually uneaten much to Smurf's chagrin.

Lena got ready for bed without a fuss for once. Passing out after only three pages of  _Because of Winn Dixie._ With Lena sleeping soundly and dinner leftovers put away, Smurf left for the night. She had plans of her own and from the way she was dressed, J doubts she'll be back any time soon.

J tried doing some school work. But his mind wouldn't let him. He would read a few sentences in his physics book and his mind would wander to his cell phone. Willing it not to go off. Not to have Damien text him.

It's already after midnight and he still hasn't heard anything. Maybe Damien forgot. Yeah, right. More like he got shitfaced with Craig and lost his phone. Or maybe he passed out. Whatever may have happened the radio silence is golden, allowing J to finally relax. After a quick shower, he decides to turn in for the night.

Just as he turns his light off, his cell phone goes off. Shakily, he picks up his phone. Damien.

It's like he's in J's head. Just when J drops his guard, Damien shows his face.

**Great job tonight. Need to celebrate**

Damien doesn't come right out and say how he wants to celebrate, but J knows. The implication is clear and J has known Damien long enough to know that he talks in riddles and innuendos.

_Lena is spending the night. Smurf is out._

Damien doesn't respond for a few minutes. Maybe he gave up…for tonight. But then J gets another text.

**Thats not gonna work 4 me**

_What am I supposed to do? She's 7_

Please just say forget it. Please.

**Thats not much older than you were when I got wit ur mom**

J lets out a rough breath. No. That's not going to happen. He won't let it.

**Shes cute**

No. No. No. He's one thing. He's already damaged goods. But Lena isn't. He won't let what happened to him happen to her.

_I can't leave the house. Meet me in the garage._

**Perfect. Me meet there now. I'm outside.**

J looks around frantically. Damien's here. Waiting outside patiently for the perfect time to strike. J leaves his room and when he checks in on Lena, he sees that she's still sleeping peacefully. If all goes right, J will be back in the house within the hour and Lena will be none the wiser.

He slowly puts one foot in front of the other as he trudges towards the garage. He's in no hurry to get there. He knows what's waiting for him. But all too soon he's at the garage.

**XXXXX**

"Whew!" Damien exclaims with a whistle, slapping J on his thigh. "What a night!"

J doesn't reply as he allows himself to rise to the surface again now that it appears Damien is done. Both of their pants are off, but Damien has slipped his boxers back on. That's usually a sign that it's over. J jerkily begins to pull his boxers up when Damien stops him.

"No, stop. I'm not through with you just yet. I like you after the shower. All nice and clean for me." He runs a hand through J's still wet curls. The teenager tries to pull away but Damien only pulls him closer towards him. He can feel Damien's growing hardness through his underwear. J lets his mind drift again. To the beach. To the waves crashing against the rocks. Anywhere but here. He's floating in the water when he feels a long, slender intrusion in his entrance. He can't help but let out a muffled whimper against Damien's dirty t-shirt.

"Shhh, you got this." Damien moans as he ruts against J's naked groin. Damien's underwire is once again down around his ankles.

J's mind is back to the beach. To the water splashing in his face. To the ocean waves crashing against the surfboard. To footsteps…

To footsteps coming closer and closer. J's eyes pop open. "Stop! Stop Damien!"

But Damien doesn't hear J's protests over his own moans. The footsteps are getting even closer. Frantic, J pushes Damien away. Pissed, Damien bites down harshly before J can pull away. "What the fuck, J!"

"J!" an all too familiar calls out. Lena. And from the sounds of it she's right outside. "J are you in there? The light is on."

"Shit!" Damien curses as he rushes to pull up his pants.

"J? Are you there? I don't feel good." Lena calls through the garage door.

J breaks from his stupor and pulls up his pants and straightens his shirt before he rushes over to the door.

"Lena?" J says as he opens the door. Lena's standing there. Her hair is a mess. And she looks flushed. "What are you doing out here all alone? It's late."

"Why are you out in the garage all by yourself?" Lena retorts.

"He's not alone," Damien call out as he walks towards them from the other side of the garage. "J was getting something for me."

Lena doesn't look amused and turns back to J. "I woke up and couldn't find you."

"I'm sorry, Lee. What's wrong?" J asks as he holds out a hand to her forehead. He quickly removes his hand when he feels how hot she is. She definitely has a fever.

"My ear hurts," Lena says, rubbing her ear.

J nods as he puts an arm around her shoulders. "Come on let's go back inside and check your temp."

Lena agrees silently as they make their way back towards the house, leaving Damien behind in the garage without a second glance.

**XXXXX**

It's nearly noon when J walks into the kitchen the next day to find Pope sitting at the kitchen table.

"Long night?" Pope asks as he takes in the sight of his disheveled nephew.

J nods. "You can say that."

After returning to the house, J took Lena's temp only to find that it was 102. With Lena's aplastic anemia diagnosis, J didn't want to take any chances and rushed the girl to the ER. Smurf soon joined them and it didn't take long for the kid to be diagnosed with an ear infection. But because of the aplastic anemia the doctors didn't want to take any chances and kept her there for several hours for observation. She wasn't released until well after the sun came up. When they finally got home, J carried a sleeping Lena to bed before he took a shower and fell into an exhausted sleep.

"Another ear infection?" Pope asks. "That's like the third one in two months. Is it because of the aplastic anemia?"

J pours himself a cup of coffee. "They're not exactly sure but they said Lena should go to her pediatrician this week."

"Probably a good idea," Pope says.

"Yeah," J says as he takes a seat across from his uncle.

"Jesus!" Pope says in disbelief. "What the hell happened to your neck?"

"My neck?" J asks as he looks down at the ugly wound, running his fingers over the torn skin that has garnered Pope's attention. The distinct teeth marks. The deep blue bruising. Fucking Damien. He didn't realize how bad Damien bit him until now. Not when he was so concerned about Lena walking in on them and then her health scare. And not when he collapsed into bed hours earlier.

"It's nothing," J says as he adjusts his shirt to cover the mark.

"If you say so," Pope says shaking his head.

He needs to get the feeling of Damien off of him. "I'm gonna hop in the shower," J says as he gets up from the table and makes his way down the hallway, passing Smurf on the way.

"J going back to bed?" Smurf asks. "He's probably exhausted from spending the whole night at the hospital."

Pope shakes his head. "Nah, said he was going to take a shower."

"Hmmm," Smurf says as she takes out cold cuts and various other items needed to make sandwiches from the fridge. "You want a sandwich?"

"What?" Pope asks with a quirk of his eyebrow.

Smurf takes out a couple pieces of bread. "He took a shower when we got back from the hospital."

"He did?" Pope asks.

Smurf nods. "Do you think he has OCD? I mean he's so particular…neat about things. His drawers are so organized. Not a sock out of place. His binders are color coded by class."

Pope looks down the hall towards the bathroom. What the hell is going on with the kid?

"Pope? Do you want ham or turkey on your sandwich?"


	19. Lawrence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J and Lena take a trip to the aquarium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that my updates are more often than not sporadic and I sincerely apologize. My updates really do depend on what’s going on in real life. This year has been a bit of a whirlwind for me and as a result my writing took a bit of a backseat. I appreciate you guys for sticking with me.

For the next few weeks things pretty much stay in a holding pattern. Lena recovers (slowly) from her ear infection. She’s not feeling one hundred percent **,** but she is definitely feeling better. J can’t always avoid Damien, but he does when he can. Like today. He knows from Smurf that his uncles are coming over to the house to talk about the details of the dispensary job, which means Damien is going to be there. So he’s using Lena’s school project as an excuse not to go home. Sure, he sold it to Smurf as a way to keep Lena out of the house while the rest of the family is talking shop but spending the afternoon with Lena at the library has a dual purpose. Smurf and the others just don’t know it.

“So sea otters can grow to be three to four feet tall,” Lena says as she’s reading something on the computer screen.

“Uh huh,” J agrees, half listening as he works on his own homework. “Almost as big as you.”

Lena scrunches up her forehead in deep concentration and sighs. “I just can’t picture it.”

Before he even realizes it, J says “Maybe we can go see them in person. See how big they get. How can you write a report on the sea other without actually seeing them?”

“Can we? You’ll take me?” Lena asks excitedly.

Crap. J wasn’t thinking that he would actually be the one to take Lena to the aquarium when he suggested the idea. It would be a family outing and even though Baz has accepted J in Lena’s life as of late, it’s basically as a baby-sitter and chauffeur capacity. Not as anything else. He certainly wouldn’t trust J to take Lena somewhere over an hour away.

“Please, J.” Lena says biting her lip. “I’ve never been to the aquarium before. And Daddy never does anything fun with me. Just you and Uncle Craig and Uncle Craig only takes me to the beach.”

How can he say no to the kid after she says something like that? He’ll have to garner up the courage to ask Baz. “Fine, we can ask your dad later. We can say that you have to go for school.”

“I hope he says yes,” Lena says as she turns back to the computer screen.

**XXXXX**

“I think that it’s a great idea,” Smurf says as she takes out a pan of cookies from the oven.

“You do?” J asks as he leans over the kitchen island with Lena at his side.

Baz and the rest of his uncles weren’t at the house when he and Lena returned from the library. But that didn’t stop Lena from blurting out to Smurf, “J said he’ll take me to the aquarium if Dad says so. Can he?”

“I do. I heard some great things about the Aquarium of the Pacific. The shark exhibit is supposed to be amazing. And I know that Lena is working on a report for school,” Smurf says as she starts placing the still warm cookies on a cooling rack. Of course Smurf will like the shark exhibit. “Lena, is J doing a good job helping you with your schoolwork?”

Lena nods her head. “He is. He helps me a lot more than Daddy does.”

Smurf gives them a crooked smile as she pats J’s cheek. He fights the urge to move away from his grandmother’s hand. “No surprise there. He’s my smart boy.”

“So we can go?” Lena asks.

 “I don’t see why not. As long as you’re still feeling good. I’ll put a good word in with your dad, Lena.”

“Thanks, Smurf.” Lena says with a toothy grin.

“Yeah, thanks.” J repeats.

“No problem, my babies.” Smurf says handling them both a warm cookie.

**XXXXX**

“Wow!” Lena says as she and J look up at the entrance of the aquarium. “It’s huge!”

J nods. “Yeah, it is.”

It’s about a week and half after J first brought up the idea of taking Lena to the aquarium. Much to his surprise and Lena’s delight Baz agreed to let J take her as long as Lena’s health remained good. Lena’s health didn’t have any setbacks over the next week. So when it began to look like their plan would come to fruition, Lena began to scour the aquarium’s website to create the day’s itinerary.

So today, after a hardy breakfast provided by Smurf and with Lena’s carefully created itinerary in hand, J and Lena made the seventy mile trek from Oceanside to Long Beach.

“Come on, J!” Lena says pulling on his hand after he pays their admission. “I want to go see them feed the sea otters.”

J lets Lena pull him towards the sea otter exhibit to see them during feeding time and then to the jellie fish and penguin exhibits. Much to his surprise J seems to be actually enjoying himself as they move from exhibit to exhibit, helping Lena sound out unfamiliar words like “mustelidae” and “bioluminescence” and explaining what “plumage” means.  As sad as it sounds, J can’t help but feel proud of himself every time Lena thanks him for bringing her and says enthusiastically “That’s what that word means!” He knows he sounds like a five year old whose teacher tells him “good job” for doing some stupid shit like putting his name on his paper and making it to the bathroom before he pisses his pants. But it’s been a long time since someone showed him some kind of gratitude for doing something good. And not because his mom is happy because of the shit he just scored for her or because his uncles needs a fifth man for a job.

“Can we go see the sharks now?” Lena asks.

“Sure,” J says as they follow the signs to the shark lagoon. He makes sure to slow his steps when he sees that Lena’s struggling to keep up. It’s been a long day and they’ve been here for over four hours already. That’ll be a long day for any kid, but especially for Lena. Her health is still not the best after her latest ear infection and they’re all on high alert because of the aplastic anemia diagnosis. “You okay, Lee? We can start to head back home and skip the sharks.”

Lena shakes her head. “I want to see them.”

Why? She can see sharks every day. That’s what their family is. All sharks. Predators preying on the weak.

Lena might want to see the sharks, but J knows she’s dragging. He needs to get her home. “Okay, I say we go see the sharks and then we get going. I heard there’s a really good icecream place nearby. Sound good?”

Lena nods her head tiredly. “Okay…J?”

J looks down. “Yeah?”

She looks at him with unsure eyes. She’s doing something strange with her hands. Fisting them at her side and then unclenching them. Lifting them up and placing them back down. “Can you?”

Then it clicks. Her fatigue. Her hands in the aborted ‘up’ gesture. “You want me to pick you up?”

She nods her head sheepishly. “Yeah…”

J bends down and fumbles with his hands, not knowing exactly where they go. He’s never held a kid before. Lena doesn’t hesitate as she climbs into his awkward arms, wrapping her legs around J’s thin body and folds her long arms around his neck. J adjusts his left arm so it’s sitting firmly under Lena’s bottom. Pleased that she won’t fall, he asks quietly “Is that better?”

Lena nods his neck. “Uh huh. After the sharks can we go back to the giftshop?”

J smiles. He knows why she wants to go back to the giftshop. They already stopped at the aquarium’s giftshop once earlier in the day. Lena had her eye on this stuffed animal. A sea otter with a bow tie. She wanted it then but J reminded her that she would have to take it everywhere with her as they made their way through the rest of the aquarium. He promised her they will go back for it before they left.

“You really want that sea otter, huh?”

“Maybe,” Lena says.

“So do you have a name picked out for it?”

He knows she does. She names every stuffed animal and doll she owns.

“Lawrence,” Lena replies.

“Lawrence? Why Lawrence?” J asks shaking his head. Lena gives her toys some really fucked up names. There’s Genevieve the hippo and Henrietta the doll to name a few.

He can feel Lena shrug into his neck. “Why not? Lawrence is a great name. Don’t you think so?”

Who is he to argue? When he was around Lena’s age, he had an imaginary friend named Toad. And Toad wasn’t even an actual toad…or even animal. He was a boy who was the same age as J. “I think Lawrence is a great name.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of fluff in this chapter, but things are going to start coming to ahead starting next chapter. Stay tuned!


End file.
